Het woord erg. Ik heb 'erg' veel woorden gekoppeld aan het woord erg. Door iets erg te vinden, durf ik er niet meer in te zien. Het was simpel-weg 'te erg'. Ogen sluiten, gezicht afkeren naar rechts, bam in de mind.
Een vertaling van 'ik vind het erg' is 'I do mind". I am doing the mind; ik doe de mind.
Dus iets erg vinden is de mind doen. Ik doe een oordeel, ik plaats een oordeel (het erg vinden), en leef vervolgens dit oordeel, is dit oordeel als de mind doen.
Waar heb ik het woord erg aan gekoppeld?
Eng - Ing
Erg is eng, zo eng dat ik er niet durfde in te zien.
Eng zag ik gelijk gekoppeld aan Ing. Dus erg is eng is Ing is zo eng dat ik er niet durfde in te zien, in Ing, dus in mezelf.
Moeder
Gekoppeld aan moeder, aan de situatie met moeder. Zo erg dat ik er niet in durfde te zien (zie vorige blog).
"Het is te erg". Verraad. Dus moeder wordt weg geduwd, en daarmee duw ik mezelf weg, de gelijkenis.
En zie ik niet in hoe ik het patroon voortzet in mezelf als zelf-verraad, en dus mezelf constant bevestig in zelf-verraad is bevestigen in/als de mind.
Er - Hier
Erg gekoppeld aan er, hier. Dus Hier is erg, zo erg dat ik niet durf te zien, niet durf hier te zijn.
Dus niet zien, niet hier zijn, dus waar ben ik, daar, in de mind.
Ergens-nergens
Het is ergens het is nergens, het moet ergens zijn maar waar? 'Het' als 'het zien' als ikzelf? Ik moet ergens zijn maar waar? Ik ben ergens ik ben nergens. Welke meteen brengt naar de volgende:
Weg
Ik ben weg, weg in de mind.
Iedere keer dat ik iets 'erg vind', haal ik dit hele patroon omhoog, met als eindresusultaat dat ik mezelf verraad (weg in de mind) en hiermee een situatie gereflecteerd krijg waarin ik me zelf verraad. Waarmee ik dezelfde ervaring van 'het is te erg' herhaal. En zonder werkelijk in dit patroon te zien wat 'te erg' was, kom ik in de gekoppelde emoties terecht, wat inhoudt dat het zo erg is dat ik schrik, me afkeer, stop met ademen, en uiteindelijk helemaal weg ben in de mind. Ik weiger te leven als Zelf. En dat label ik als 'erg'.
Opnieuw heb ik mezelf verraden door helemaal in de mind te verdwijnen, wat 'te erg' is, dus weer het oordeel met de hele lading eraan vast in 'werking stelt', etc.
Bovendien ging ik, door niet een en gelijk als mezelf te staan door constant te oordelen, ieder zelf-verraad van de ander op mezelf betrekken, als verraad van mezelf door de ander in plaats van te zien dat ik mezelf verraadde in de situatie gereflecteerd in de ander, en hiermee de verantwoordelijkheid voor de ander op me nemen door te proberen de ander te laten inzien wat die gedaan had in plaats van zelf in zelf te zien, waarmee ik hetzelfde patroon bevestig namelijk dat ik afhankelijk ben van de ander dus van de mind (zie ook vorige blog) dus van zelfverraad.
Oei nu zie ik het:
met dit patroon heb ik mezelf afhankelijk gemaakt van zelfverraad.
Dus houd ik het in stand om in leven (als mind) te blijven.
Als ik in het patroon zie, in de patron, de baas als de mind, zie ik hoe het is opgebouwd en kan ik het gaan stoppen; ik kan gelijk gaan staan als de mind en baas in eigen huis worden, zelfbewegend in het fysiek.
Als een vorm van verraad zich opnieuw voordoet, als iemand zichzelf verraadt, zie ik dat iemand zichzelf verraadt. Ik zie hoe enorm weids verbreid dit verraad is in de wereld, dus ja, het komt nog veelvuldig voor.
Ik stop deelname hierin door te stoppen met beschuldigen hiervan, door te stoppen met iets erg te vinden, door te stoppen met mijzelf afhankelijk te houden van de ander van de mind, door te stoppen met mezelf te beschuldigen van zelfverraad en door te stoppen met mezelf redenen, bevestiging te geven voor zelfverraad.
Kortom: door te stoppen met mezelf afhankelijk te houden van de mind van zelfverraad.
Ik start met zelfvergeving van alle zelfoordelen die zijn voortgekomen uit het zelfverraad en van iedere keer dat ik dit zelfverraad heb bevestigd. Ik start met zien in de woorden die ik aan dit zelfverraad heb gekoppeld, van kinds af aan aangezien dit patroon zich vanaf de geboorte heeft gemanifesteerd, en terug, in het DNA is gevestigd.
Ik stop met het bevestigen van het DNA door te stoppen met zelfbeschuldiging en toe te passen het vergeven van mijzelf als mind.
Stop de bevestiging van het DNA:
http://www.desteni.net/
http://www.desteniiprocess.com/
Posts tonen met het label mind. Alle posts tonen
Posts tonen met het label mind. Alle posts tonen
woensdag 23 november 2011
woensdag 9 november 2011
Dictator
Growing up in an unsafe environment as living in the mind is unsafe because of existing in and as polarity.
Controling everything outside, because you never know when the mind will attack you (as the mind).
Spying around, eyes in the backhead, to see if everything is safe.
Isn't this what soldiers are doing in a war?
But I didnot go into the field.
I kept control inside:
I became a dictator.
Controling everything from inside out.
Sitting as a dictator behind the desk.
Keeping the power inside myself by not reacting outside about what I saw.
Speaking, sharing myself was as giving away the power. And when you do this living in and as the mind, this can be used against you. So I kept it inside, stored it inside. Everything I put in an archive.
And when somebody did something that was not 'okay', I could point this out with an example out of my archive. I created associations (=a-sociaal, not social). I became very good (God) at this, which gave me a lot of 'power'.
And most of this I was also doing inside; again keeping the power inside myself.
It is almost like I was creating a nucleair bomb inside myself.
Not using but keeping in readyness for you never know when necessary.
But ofcourse, I must also live faultless. So I had to dictate myself inside myself too.
I had to be and become a living example of a faultless mind, and with this, I killed all the life inside, step by step.
Step by step is not breath by breath, it's the opposite.
Step by step is to step upon life with heavy boots, like soldiers are wearing.
In the field you need heavy boots.
A dictator also needs heavy boots. As an example of the power of the mind.
Now I see why I don't like heavy boots which step on everything in the garden, killing all plants and insects. Like an elephant in a china-cabinet.
Now I can see my own heavy boots, killing all life inside, step by step.
I have made an archive inside my intestine. (Probably inside my whole body but the intestine I am most aware of). Here I stored my own reactions on and as the mind outside and inside.
Because being busy with controling everything outside myself, I couldnot see into my own reactions inside. There was no space to feel this, because when I would feel this, I was in too much pain. Than I couldnot hide this anymore and I had to share this with other people, which was not safe.
So I had to store this, pushing away every feeling (which is still as the mind).
For this I stored it all in the large intestines as the place where the emotions are stored. And I had to control it, so I created a cramp, to keep it in place.
So after leaving the house where I was born, I started to see into this archive. I felt every pain, I become one with every pain. But I kept circeling around in it. And by seeing into this at last I fixed it again, by trying to understand this as-with the mind and to solve this with-as the mind. To feel everything was still as the mind, so it didnot solve anything. I kept circling in and as the grief inside. I only salved it.
I have to write out this structures to see into this, not step by step but breath by breath. To see into my own reactions instead of being busy with the mind of other people. To breath every footprint/imprint into Life.
Not feeling it as the mind but breathing through as Self.
To forgive myself for allowing and accepting every footprint that killed life and to forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I was doing good as God with this.
To see every equality with all life as the mind, to become one and equal as it so I can stand up in it and become Alive, one and equal as All Life as Self.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become a dictator inside and outside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I had to go into the field as a soldier which I was not capable of, instead of seeing that a dictator and a soldier are creating, allowing and accepting the same war.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I had to go (back) into the the field of war, instead of seeing that I can write and breath myself into the field of Life.
Can you see your own created structure of war inside yourself?
http://www.desteniiprocess.com/
Controling everything outside, because you never know when the mind will attack you (as the mind).
Spying around, eyes in the backhead, to see if everything is safe.
Isn't this what soldiers are doing in a war?
But I didnot go into the field.
I kept control inside:
I became a dictator.
Controling everything from inside out.
Sitting as a dictator behind the desk.
Keeping the power inside myself by not reacting outside about what I saw.
Speaking, sharing myself was as giving away the power. And when you do this living in and as the mind, this can be used against you. So I kept it inside, stored it inside. Everything I put in an archive.
And when somebody did something that was not 'okay', I could point this out with an example out of my archive. I created associations (=a-sociaal, not social). I became very good (God) at this, which gave me a lot of 'power'.
And most of this I was also doing inside; again keeping the power inside myself.
It is almost like I was creating a nucleair bomb inside myself.
Not using but keeping in readyness for you never know when necessary.
But ofcourse, I must also live faultless. So I had to dictate myself inside myself too.
I had to be and become a living example of a faultless mind, and with this, I killed all the life inside, step by step.
Step by step is not breath by breath, it's the opposite.
Step by step is to step upon life with heavy boots, like soldiers are wearing.
In the field you need heavy boots.
A dictator also needs heavy boots. As an example of the power of the mind.
Now I see why I don't like heavy boots which step on everything in the garden, killing all plants and insects. Like an elephant in a china-cabinet.
Now I can see my own heavy boots, killing all life inside, step by step.
I have made an archive inside my intestine. (Probably inside my whole body but the intestine I am most aware of). Here I stored my own reactions on and as the mind outside and inside.
Because being busy with controling everything outside myself, I couldnot see into my own reactions inside. There was no space to feel this, because when I would feel this, I was in too much pain. Than I couldnot hide this anymore and I had to share this with other people, which was not safe.
So I had to store this, pushing away every feeling (which is still as the mind).
For this I stored it all in the large intestines as the place where the emotions are stored. And I had to control it, so I created a cramp, to keep it in place.
So after leaving the house where I was born, I started to see into this archive. I felt every pain, I become one with every pain. But I kept circeling around in it. And by seeing into this at last I fixed it again, by trying to understand this as-with the mind and to solve this with-as the mind. To feel everything was still as the mind, so it didnot solve anything. I kept circling in and as the grief inside. I only salved it.
I have to write out this structures to see into this, not step by step but breath by breath. To see into my own reactions instead of being busy with the mind of other people. To breath every footprint/imprint into Life.
Not feeling it as the mind but breathing through as Self.
To forgive myself for allowing and accepting every footprint that killed life and to forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I was doing good as God with this.
To see every equality with all life as the mind, to become one and equal as it so I can stand up in it and become Alive, one and equal as All Life as Self.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become a dictator inside and outside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I had to go into the field as a soldier which I was not capable of, instead of seeing that a dictator and a soldier are creating, allowing and accepting the same war.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I had to go (back) into the the field of war, instead of seeing that I can write and breath myself into the field of Life.
Can you see your own created structure of war inside yourself?
http://www.desteniiprocess.com/
donderdag 20 oktober 2011
WAR
I am scared of my own mind.
Of course! I allowed myself to be directed by the mind completely. I allowed to be a slave of the mind.
With allowing this I made myself smaller than the mind. And for this I had to create the illusion of being bigger than the mind, to overcome this. Polarity is created.
We all created this and projected this, which made us scared to other people, 'mensenschuw'.
It's not mensenschuw, it's mindschuw; it's not afraid of people, it's afraid of the mind.
Schuw, afraid of our own mind. Schuwen, afschuw.
I thought I was scared of my mother. Which is not true. I am scared for the spite of her mind.
Which is not true. I was scared for the spite of my own mind, which was starting when I allowed her to spite me, when I believed that this is possible, that she could spite me, and I allowed myself to believe this and to do nothing. And for this I start spiting myself, for 'doing nothing', for believing that the spite of another person could influence me and for allowing that it influenced me by believing this.
There it is, doing nothing as allowing which irritated me.
Because everyone is scared for the mind, projecting this so is scared for eachother, for the attack of the mind of each other. And for this we start defending ourselves. But this is not really defending ourselves, it's defending our mind. And the mind is still attacking ourselves inside ourselves, so we are still not 'protected'.
Defending is not practical, defending belongs to the mind.
And this is reflecting in the outside world, defending and attacking:
WAR.
We are in war inside which is reflecting outside, and we repeat this by defending and attacking each other, actually we defend this reflection of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared for my own mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to allow and create war outside by allowing and creating war inside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself smaller than the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself enslaved to the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to projected the fear for my own mind into fear for other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that my mother could spite me, instead of seeing that I spited myself after allowing the believing that another person could spite me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to do nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be irritated by other people who were doing nothing, instead of seeing how I was irritated by myself doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be irritated by myself doing nothing, instead of seeing that I created irritatÃon, ergenis, because I allowed myself to believe that it was 'erg' that I was doing nothing and with this I created another judgement.
We are afraid of our own mind, but we don't want to see into this. So we project. But everytime we see something in someone else that we feel that we are afraid of, we push this away immediately, we don't want to see into this. For this, we push away the fear, the schuw. We push far away the schuw, the schuw we push 'ver af'. And ver-af-schuwen is created. Another layer to not feel the schuw, the fear. And with this we can push everything away that we don't like, that we (ver-af-)schuwen, that we dislike, abhor. We have a 'reason' now, we verafschuwen het, we abhor it.
We zijn ver af van het schuwen. Dat wat we schuwen duwen we ver af.
(We are far away from fear, that what we fear we push far away. The dutch word is speaking).
Everything that scares us we push away, we make boarders, boxes. In our mind, in our world.
Everything we ver-af-schuwen is put into boxes. We isolate it, we push it aside, apart, which gives apartheid.
And this is what the world is reflecting.
Everything that we verafschuwen is pushed away, and we defend and defend because we don't want the boxes to be open, we donot want to see what is inside the boxes. We don't want to see what we fear, abhor, allow, isolate, which is (all in) our own mind. We are fighting against ourselves, inside there is the inner-terrorist.
And because we are already defending for so long it's more and more difficult to stop, because the af-schuw had became bigger and bigger, which also makes the af-schuw bigger and bigger because we verafschuwen that we verafschuwen for such a long time.
http://desteni.co.za/a/questions-and-perspectives-what-are-emotions
If I feel afschuw, If I ver-af-schuw/abhor something, I stop this emotion and I breath through, untill I see what I scare, wat ik schuw.
I stop. I Breath. I see into the mind by writing so I can see what I fear, schuw. I apply self-forgiveness. I apply self-correction.
Stop the war inside, stop the inner-terrorist, stop apartheid, see into the boxes:
http://www.desteniiproces.com/
Stop the reason for war:
http://www.equalmoneysystem.org/
Of course! I allowed myself to be directed by the mind completely. I allowed to be a slave of the mind.
With allowing this I made myself smaller than the mind. And for this I had to create the illusion of being bigger than the mind, to overcome this. Polarity is created.
We all created this and projected this, which made us scared to other people, 'mensenschuw'.
It's not mensenschuw, it's mindschuw; it's not afraid of people, it's afraid of the mind.
Schuw, afraid of our own mind. Schuwen, afschuw.
I thought I was scared of my mother. Which is not true. I am scared for the spite of her mind.
Which is not true. I was scared for the spite of my own mind, which was starting when I allowed her to spite me, when I believed that this is possible, that she could spite me, and I allowed myself to believe this and to do nothing. And for this I start spiting myself, for 'doing nothing', for believing that the spite of another person could influence me and for allowing that it influenced me by believing this.
There it is, doing nothing as allowing which irritated me.
Because everyone is scared for the mind, projecting this so is scared for eachother, for the attack of the mind of each other. And for this we start defending ourselves. But this is not really defending ourselves, it's defending our mind. And the mind is still attacking ourselves inside ourselves, so we are still not 'protected'.
Defending is not practical, defending belongs to the mind.
And this is reflecting in the outside world, defending and attacking:
WAR.
We are in war inside which is reflecting outside, and we repeat this by defending and attacking each other, actually we defend this reflection of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared for my own mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to allow and create war outside by allowing and creating war inside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself smaller than the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself enslaved to the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to projected the fear for my own mind into fear for other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that my mother could spite me, instead of seeing that I spited myself after allowing the believing that another person could spite me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to do nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be irritated by other people who were doing nothing, instead of seeing how I was irritated by myself doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be irritated by myself doing nothing, instead of seeing that I created irritatÃon, ergenis, because I allowed myself to believe that it was 'erg' that I was doing nothing and with this I created another judgement.
We are afraid of our own mind, but we don't want to see into this. So we project. But everytime we see something in someone else that we feel that we are afraid of, we push this away immediately, we don't want to see into this. For this, we push away the fear, the schuw. We push far away the schuw, the schuw we push 'ver af'. And ver-af-schuwen is created. Another layer to not feel the schuw, the fear. And with this we can push everything away that we don't like, that we (ver-af-)schuwen, that we dislike, abhor. We have a 'reason' now, we verafschuwen het, we abhor it.
We zijn ver af van het schuwen. Dat wat we schuwen duwen we ver af.
(We are far away from fear, that what we fear we push far away. The dutch word is speaking).
Everything that scares us we push away, we make boarders, boxes. In our mind, in our world.
Everything we ver-af-schuwen is put into boxes. We isolate it, we push it aside, apart, which gives apartheid.
And this is what the world is reflecting.
Everything that we verafschuwen is pushed away, and we defend and defend because we don't want the boxes to be open, we donot want to see what is inside the boxes. We don't want to see what we fear, abhor, allow, isolate, which is (all in) our own mind. We are fighting against ourselves, inside there is the inner-terrorist.
And because we are already defending for so long it's more and more difficult to stop, because the af-schuw had became bigger and bigger, which also makes the af-schuw bigger and bigger because we verafschuwen that we verafschuwen for such a long time.
http://desteni.co.za/a/questions-and-perspectives-what-are-emotions
If I feel afschuw, If I ver-af-schuw/abhor something, I stop this emotion and I breath through, untill I see what I scare, wat ik schuw.
I stop. I Breath. I see into the mind by writing so I can see what I fear, schuw. I apply self-forgiveness. I apply self-correction.
Stop the war inside, stop the inner-terrorist, stop apartheid, see into the boxes:
http://www.desteniiproces.com/
Stop the reason for war:
http://www.equalmoneysystem.org/
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