2012 - system-design of Desire and Need

I need to be right.
I need to speak to let me hear, to show that I am right.

I feel so aggrieved, verongelijkt, 'unequaled' inside myself that I need to be right and for that I need to speak. Which makes me so very tired, which is another system-design.
This will express in reactions, which is not a self-expression but an expression of/as the mind. Within this I try to convince somebody. I try to convince the other that I am right.
Why do I need to be right?
Because I believe that I am 'wrong' all the time. I have the experience to be wrong, fault all the time. Which indicates that I am not one and equal as myself, I am in polarity. So I need to be right, ik wil gelijk hebben, because I am unequal within myself, ik ben ongelijk in/als mezelf, and within this unequal to the other person.

Thought:
I need to be right.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think that I need to be right.

Trigger-point:
m who is having an emotional reaction on me going out with a friend.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect m who is having an emotional reaction on me going out with a friend to the thought "I need to be right".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist m who is having an emotional reaction on me going out with a friend as a trigger-point within me, which triggers the thought "I need to be right".

Type of thought:
Need

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to need to be right.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist need inside me by participating in th ethought "I need to be right".

Other components:
Emotion:
Injury, verongelijking

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought "I need to be right" to an emotion of injury/verongelijking.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in an emotion of injury/verongelijking.

Why do I connect an emotion of injury to the thought "I need to be right?"
I believe that I have to speak to m when m is blaming me for something out of emotions.
I do not believe that he sees what he is doing; that he sees that it's something about himself that he blames on me. And when he is not seeing into self, we cannot speak in equality. Every conversation is going difficult as I am trying to 'tell him' something and he is only trying to protect himself for my convince without listening to the words I speak. We are not expressing ourselves as self, we are reacting in/as the mind.
Because I know he is not working with the tools and because I hear in his words that he is not understanding that he is speaking about himself, I start to feel unsafe. Why? What feels so unsafe in this for me, if I know that he is speaking about himself? Is it the attack of the mind? Is it that he has to affirm me in the words I speak? Do I still believe him, that the words he speaks are about me? Is this just it? That I believe all the time that the words another person is speaking are about me, and within this I start to believe that the words I speak are about him, or actually that I have the right to speak these words about him, and within this believing I start to convince him with and from my words, so actually I start to convince him to be (like) me, because I want to convince him that the words I speak - that are actually about myself - are about him, so that he is what I speak about myself.
Within this I started to believe that the words of mam are about me, and so I started to believe that I am her, which I don't want to be, so I don't want to be Here (within another lesson I saw that I connected I am here to I am her). Which is unequal with myself, not being Here, which makes me feel aggrieved, injured, unequaled, and so I try to convince m to make him equal with me so that I can be Here, instead of making myself equal with myself/with my own reactions in which I can be Here. I do exactly the same as what is done to me. I did become her.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to need m to be able to be Here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the words m speaks are about me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the words mam speaks/has spoken are about me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel unsafe when m or mam does not see that the words they speak are about themselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to need m or mam to affirm me in the words I speak.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel aggrieved, injured, verongelijkt because I believe that the words m and mam speak are about me, and within this I become him/her, instead of being Here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to try to convince m with my words, and within this doing exactly the same as mam did to me, trying to make me like her/trying to make him like me, to confirm ourselves in/as the mind to make the environment feel safe to be Here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to need another person to confirm me to make myself feel safe to be Here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to need to be right to make the environment safe to be Here by trying to get the affirmation of the m and mam, the affirmation of me being right, because I am feeling all wrong/verongelijkt inside myself by separating myself from myself being one and equal as myself by believing that the words of m/mam are about me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to forget to breathe when I am trying to convince m, and within this I am not Here but in the mind, which makes me feel unsafe, and for that I need to convince m to affirm me to make me feel safe.

Coming forward out of this is the desire to have sex to feel alive. When m is not seeing into self I believe it's not safe enough to have sex with him, and so I need to confirm him that I am right, so that he is seeing that his words are about himself and not about me so we can have sex.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to desire to have sex.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to need sex to feel alive.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to confirm m that the words he speaks are about him, so that he is seeing into self so that it is safe enough for me to have sex woith him to feel alive.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be angry at m that he is not seeing into self because than I believe that we cannot have sex.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be angry at m because I can also not have sex with another man because m is living here in the same house.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be angry at m that he is not giving me an ooportunity to live via him by having sex or by having feelings for him which I don't have.

When and as I see myself participating in the need to be right while speaking with m I stop, I breathe. I put my two hands together to bring myself Here in the physical. I breathe again, to give myself time to become Here.
I realize that the unsafe feeling is because I am not really Here, but still in the mind, believing that m has to affirm me in/as the mind, otherwise he will eventually attack me or provoke me.
I realize that m cannot really attack or provoke me, he can only attack and provoke me in/as the mind. As long as I am Here in breath, nothing will happen. If I feel provoked by his words/behaviour of the mind, I stop, I breathe. I realize that he is speaking about himself and not wanting to see into this, and so he is trying to provoke me, so that I bacome angry at him and than he can blame me of attacking him, which gives the opportunity to escape from seeing into self. And within this I created another layer of judgement within myself by reacting in angryness, and so I also don't have to see inside myself as in the reactions that I experience as aggrieved/verongelijkt when m is provoking me. Actually I am aggrieved because I am not one and equal as myself by reacting on this, which enlarges the experience of feeling aggrieved.
When and as I do myself see going into reactions when I am speaking with m and something in his words or behaviour is provoking me, I stop, I breathe. I breathe again. I realize that I can stop my reactions any moment I want, this is all about me. The only reason that is keeping me away from this is the believe that I need to be right. Which is a believe in/as the mind, to keep me enslaved in/as the mind, to keep me away from seeing into the pain I experience by past memories of feeling aggrieved.
I breathe, and within this breathing I see what is best for all to do. I can stay in silence and listen to the words m speaks and I can walk away if I am not able to stay in breath in this moment in his company.
When I am alone I immediately start writing to see what is going on inside me, and within this I can apply self-forgiveness and embrace myself in the experience of feeling aggrieved.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear to be swept away by believing the words m and mam speak are about me, and within this believing I fear to disappear in the black hole that I created by separating myself from self, by believing that the words m and mam speak are about me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect being swept away by believing the words m and mam speak are about me, and within this believing I fear to disappear in the black whoe that I created by separating myself from selfm by believing that the words m and mam speak are about me to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear to dissappear in the black hole.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect disappearing in the black hole to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the black hole is real, instead of seeing that I created thsi black hole by myself by separating myself from self, by believing that the words that m and mam speak are about me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to write the black hole as black whole, which indicates that the whole, everything is a black hole, and thus I don't want to be Here as I experience everything that I know as this black hole.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that what I know as life is really Life, and for that I don't want to be Here because I don't like that what I know as life because I experience this as a black hole, instead of seeing that this what I know, this what I experience as a black hole, is not real, and I don't have to go into that again to become alive.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have, that I need to go into the black hole again to become alive, and for that I need to be right, instead of seeing that with believing that I need to be right I keep myself prison in this experience of the black hole, trying to convince m to make the black hole liveable, which is not possible as in the black hole there is no real Life possible.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to try to make the black hole liveable.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to ask m to become alive by trying to convince him, in which I am a living example of death, keeping me and him prison in this black hole, which feels very unsafe, for me and for him, and within this experience of feeling unsafe nothing will ever change as it feels too unsafe to change.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear the black hole, instead of seeing that the black hole is actually the whole life I know in/as the mind, which is the same as fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to FEAR MY OWN FEAR.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to live in/as the mind because everybody is there, and if I am not there I am alone, instead of seeing that this is exactly what I am here, Al(l)one.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to want to agree in and as the mind with m, mam and everybody around me, instead of seeing that this will leep me enslaved in/as the mind.

When and as I see myself participating in fear as in a feeling of unsafety, I stop, I breathe. I breathe again, as I realize that I am participating in/as the mind, which will always feel unsafe and where no life is possible. So I stop, I breathe. I put my two hands together to bring myself Here in the physical. As being Here in Breath is the only place where I can become alive, being safe one and equal as myself.

Word:
(to be) Right

Defenition:

right

   /raɪt/ Show Spelled [rahyt] Show IPA adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb, verb

adjective

1. in accordance with what is good, proper, or just: right conduct.

2. in conformity with fact, reason, truth, or some standard or principle; correct: the right solution; the right answer.

3. correct in judgment, opinion, or action.

4. fitting or appropriate; suitable: to say the right thing at the right time.

5. most convenient, desirable, or favorable: Omaha is the right location for a meatpacking firm.

noun

18. a just claim or title, whether legal, prescriptive, or moral: You have a right to say what you please.

19. Sometimes, rights. that which is due to anyone by just claim, legal guarantees, moral principles, etc.: women's rights; Freedom of speech is a right of all Americans.

20. adherence or obedience to moral and legal principles and authority.

21. that which is morally, legally, or ethically proper: to know right from wrong.

22. a moral, ethical, or legal principle considered as an underlying cause of truth, justice, morality, or ethics.

Synonyms 1. equitable, fair, honest, lawful. 2. accurate, true. 4. fit, seemly. 5. proper. 10. obverse. 17. rightful. 21. morality, virtue, justice, fairness, integrity, equity, rectitude. 43. rightfully, lawfully, rightly, justly, fairly, equitably. 44.  appropriately, suitably.
Antonyms 1–5, 10, 21.  wrong.

Origin: before 900; (noun and adj.) Middle English; Old English reht, riht;  cognate with Dutch, German recht, Old Norse rēttr, Gothic raihts;  akin to Latin rēctus, Old Irish recht  law, Greek orektós  upright; (v.) Middle English righten, Old English rihtan,  cognate with Old Frisian riuchta, German richten, Old Norse rētta;  (adv.) Middle English; Old English rihte

----------------------------------------------------------------
It's a word within polarity, with the origin of recht. The right to do something, say something etc. Right did come in with the polarity of the mind, to control the world in polarity.

Positive/negative charge:
positive charge as it gives me as the mind a feeling of relief when I believe that I do the 'right' thing; living in/as the mind always searching for the right way, and believing that I do things right, which is not giving space to another person as the other person is easily doing things wrong in my eyes. Not wolrdwide, there I can see the large perspective and equality within myself easily, but in the house I loose sight, as it seems to close to believe that it has nothing to do with me.

New defenition:
To use common sense to see as it is in reality

2012 - system-design of Possession

I live in a very nice house, that I never really saw as mine. It's large, too large for one person, and I always saw it as a present that I can live here for a while. I noticed that I am not dependent on the place I live, not in this specific house or this specific environment (which is beautifull). So I 'thought', I am not possessed by the house.
Since 9 months or something I am sharing this house. And we have had conflicts about taking care of the house, which is important for me. You take care of the things around you, also if it is materialistic. If it would not work out together in the house, I can leave the house. That's not really a problem. The house becomes (and actually has always been) too expensive for me to live alone, so it is sharing or moving. So still I thought, I am not possessed by the house.
Until reading about possessions, and regognizing some signs of possession in my behaviour about the house. So what is it that I am possessed by? What am I protecting and defining as my own?
It is simply the place I live in. It doesnot matter where this place is or how big, but I "need a place for my own". Here is also the needing coming in.
I have difficulties to share the place I live in and to give out of hands the control of the care-taking for it. I defined myself as the place that I live in. And I am sharing this with a person who is able to live anywhere with anyone. He doesnot like it just anywhere but he is able to and adapts to, even on the street.

Thought:
I need a place for my own.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think "I need a place for my own".

Trigger-point:
Looking forward to sharing the house officially and financially.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect looking forward to sharing the house officially and financially to the thought "I need a place for my own".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist looking forward to sharing the house officially and financially as a trigger-point within me which triggers the thought "I need a place for my own".

Type of thought:
Possession and need

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to possess the house that I live in as a place for my own.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist possession inside me by participating in the thought "I need a place for my own".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to need the house that I live in as a place for my own.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist need inside me by participating in the thought "I need a place for my own".

Other components:
Emotion:
Fear

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought "I need a place for my own" to an emotional experience of fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in an emotional experience of fear.

Why do I connect an emotion of fear to the thought "I need a place for my own"?
I fear loosing a place where I can be myself (?) without attention and influences of other people.
I fear when sharing the house officially that all different kind of people are walking into this house without taking care of the environment, without seeing inside themselves.
I fear that they will take over the place and within this I loose a place where it is quiet.
I believe that I need a quiet place where I can be without reacting all the time on the environment.
Here I make my own reactions dependent on the environment that I am.
I fear that the animals here do not have a quiet place anymore and become scared and nervous.
In the bottom line I fear that I am not able to direct myself as self and within this taking care of the environment when other people are around.
I fear myself allowing and accepting participating in situations that I see that are not okay, too scared to speak up and for that doing nothing.
I fear loosing myself in the reactions inside me on the noise around me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear loosing a place where I can 'be myself' without attention and influences of other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect loosing a place where I can 'be myself without attention and influences of other people to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear when sharing the house officially that all different kind of people are walking in without taking care of the environment, without seeing inside themselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect sharing the house officially to all different kind of people walking in without taking care of the environment, without seeing inside themselves to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that they will take over the place and within this I loose a place where it is quiet.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect them taking over the place and within this me loosing a place where it is quiet to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that the animals will not have a quiet place anymore and become scared and nervous.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the animals not having a quiet place anymore, becoming scared and nervous to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that I am not able to direct myself as self and within this taking care of my environment when other people are around.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect me not being able to direct myself as self and within this taking care of the environment when other people are around to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear myself allowing and accepting to participate in situations that I see that are not okay, too scared to speak up and for that doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect myself allowing and accepting to participate in situations that I see that are not okay, too scared to speak up and for that doing nothing to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear loosing myself in the reactions inside me on the noise around me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect loosing myself in the reactions inside me on the noise around me to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself dependent on the environment that I live in by making others responsible for the reactions that I experience inside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself as the environment I live in by making myself dependent on the environment that I live in by making others responsible for the reactions that I experience inside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to bring and keep myself in a state of being a victim by making others responsable for the reactions that I experience inside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to possess the house I live in because I am possessed by my own reactions on the noise or whatever that is going on around me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to posses the house because I am not taking responsability for my own reactions on whatever that is going on around me in the environment that I live in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define the house I live in as 'my place', which gives me justification to not take responsability for my own reactions on whatever is going on around me in this place, as I see this place as mine so others have to adapt on my rules to keep the place quiet so that I do not experience all this reactions inside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to seperate myself from self as a place to stay as myself being 'my place', and thus I needed to create a place outside me to define as 'my place'.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define standing up as self as controling the environment instead of taking responsibility for all the reactions inside me on whatever is going on around me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to apply s.f on the thoughts that are coming up inside me before I can see into myself what my reactions are on the thoughts, and thus I suppress my reactions with applying s.f. where in I do not really need to change.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to suppress my own reactions with applying s.f. on the thought before I see what reaction is coming up inside me upon this thought.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to sabotage myself out of fear for my own reactions and for the reactions on my own reactions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create an unsafe place inside myself by reacting on everything that is going outside me and by reacting again on my own reactions on everything that is going on around me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own reactions and my reactions on my own reactions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect my own reactions and my reacions on my own reactions to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear myself as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect myself as the mind to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear as I as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience extreme aversion against sharing anything with m, as I want nothing that I define as mine even touch something that I define as his; I want everything seperated, apart from each other.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see what I seperated myself from in this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I need to see what I seperated myself from in this.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to seperate myself from my own reactions on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with, and within this I seperated myself from myself, making myself dependent on my own reactions on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with, so dependent on the other person seeing or not seeing into self.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to start possessing the house as a place for my own, because I am scared of being possessed by my own reactions on the person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with, seperating myself from myself within this reactions, which is leaving myself behind without a safe place to live inside myself so 'in need' with a place for my own.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to leave myself behind without a safe place to live inside myself within being possessed by my own reactions on the person who is not seeing into self that I live with.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be 'in need' with a place for my own beacuse I leave myself behind without a safe place to live within being possessed by my own reactions on the other person who is not seeing into self that I live in the same house with.
I forgive myself that I do not have allowed and accepted myself to share a house with a person who is seeing into self, because of the fear of being possessed by my own reactions on the other person who is not seeing into self that I live in the house with.
I forgive myself that I do not have allowed and accepted myself to share with/in/as myself as me being a person who is seeing into self, because of the fear of becoming possessed by my own reactions on the other person who is not seeing into self that I live in the same house with.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear being possessed by my own reactions on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect being possessed by my own reactions on the other person who is not seeing inot self who I live in the same house with to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear.

Corrective statements:
When and as I see myself participating in reacting on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with, I stop, I breathe. I put my two hands together to bring myself Here in the physical.
I realise that if I go into these reactions on the other person who is not seeing into self that I live in the same house with, I become possessed by my own reactions.
I realize that by becoming possessed by my own reactions I leave myself behind without a safe place to stay within myself.
I realize that if I become possessed by my own reactions, leaving myself behind without a safe place to stay within myself, I start possessing the house that I live in by defining it as my own. This will make the situation worse, as I want the other person out of this place, out of 'my own' place as the only safe place that I know.
I realize that by reacting on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with, I leave myself behind as the only safe place that I can be in, and within this I let the other person decide what happen inside myself as the only safe place, which makes it an unsafe place.
I realize that I make being one and equal as myself inside myself as the only safe place that I can be in, unsafe by reacting on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with.
So, there is only one thing that I can do: stop reacting on the other person who is not seeing into self that I live in the house with.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience and define it as 'unfair' that I have to stop my own reactions inside myself on the other person who is not seeing into self that I live in the same house with while the other person is not seeing into self.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to do all the work while the other person can do nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the other person can do nothing.

I realize that nobody can do nothing anymore without consequences, as everything is turning back to self.
I am responsible for what I created that is turning back to me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience it as horrible what I have allowed and accepted myself to create as living with a person in the same house who is not seeing into self, so I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience it as horrible to live with myself in the same house as a person who is not seeing into self in my own reactions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame myself for living in the same house with a person who is not seeing into self as me as the other.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am not able to forgive myself for living in the same house again with a person who is not seeing into self, as I promised myself that would never do this again.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hate myself for living again in the same house with a person who is not seeing into self.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to tell myself that I will leave myself if I live again in the same house with another person who is not seeing into self.
And this is what I do as I promised myself: I leave myself by reacting and becoming possessed by my reactions on the person who is not seeing into self that I live in the house with.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I protect myself by leaving myself reacting on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience disgust towards myself for living again in the same house with a person who is not seeing into self, and the only way to not experience this disgust is by reacting on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that reacting on the other person who is not seeing into self who I live in the same house with is the only way to not experience disgust against myself for living again in the same house with a person who is not seeing into self.

When and as I see myself go into blaming myself for living in the same house with a person who is not yet seeing into self, I stop, I breathe. I put my two hands together to bring myself Here in the physical.
I don't need to blame myself for this, as the situation I live in is similar to the situation that I grow up in. This gives me the chance to take responsibility for every point that I didnot forgive myself while growing up in an abusive situation. It's not my fault, it's just that I have allowed it and that I have to take responsibility for it as I am the only person who can take responsibility for myself and my life.
So I stop, I breathe. I take myself by the hand and walk breath by breath, applying s.f. and corrective actions. Within this I become self-intimate, which is the only thing that I 'own'; being intimate with myself as self as life. The more I forgive myself, the more intimate I become with myself. Everytime I react and feel angry and aggrieved, I realize: this is an opportunity to stop another seperation inside myself, created by believing an illusion.

Word:
Own

Defenitie:
Eigen, bezitten, bekennen

adjective
1. of, pertaining to, or belonging to oneself or itself (usually used after a possessive to emphasize the idea of ownership, interest, or relation conveyed by the possessive): He spent only his own money.
2. (used as an intensifier to indicate oneself as the sole agent of some activity or action, preceded by a possessive): He insists on being his own doctor.

Origin:

before 900; (adj.) Middle English owen, Old English āgen (cognate with German eigen, Old Norse eigenn ), orig. past participle of āgan to possess ( see owe); (v.) Middle English ownen, Old English āgnian, āhnian, derivative of āgen

Everything comes back to possession, bezit. The only thing I own is self-intimicy, which is not really owning as I become this, until I be this; within self-intimicy the ownership is no longer needed as I am one and equal with myself as all life.

So Own is a word that will be no longer used in an equal money system.

2012 - system-design of Energy - stuck in Attention

Stuck in attention. From myself and from another person, and the interaction of these two.
I am also stuck in writing this blog.
The attention coming forward out of living via the love for/of another person. Nothing real is possible within this structure as it is build on a relation with conditions. Attention from the other person on me to see if I am still here to give a 'go(o)d' feeling, and me keeping attention on the other person to see if the other person has still the attention on me and within this I am living via my disgust towards this pattern, which still is a relation with the mind. And no I am not here anymore but gone in the disgust, so the other person is keeping more attention on me, etc.

Thought:
"I am stuck in this".

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think "I am stuck in this".

Trigger-point:
Living in the house with m, stuck in the experience of his presence as his energy-body as his energy-body is triggering my attention/energy-body, believing that I am never coming out of this.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect living in the house with m, stuck in the experience of his presence as his energy-body as his energy-body is triggering my attention/energy-body, believing that I am never coming out of this to the thought "I am stuck in this".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist living in the house with m, stuck in the experience of his presence as his energy-body as his energy-body is triggering my attention, believing that I am never coming out of this as a trigger-point within me, which triggers the thought "I am stuck in this".

Type of thought:
Belief
Energy-fluctuation

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to belief the thought "I am stuck in this".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist belief within me by believing the thought "I am stuck in this".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create energy out of the thought "I am stuck in this".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist energy-fluctuation within me created by the thought "I am stuck in this".

Other components:
Emotion:
Despair, which leads to indifference, which leads to giving up.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought "I am stuck in this" to an emotional experience of despair, which leads to indifference, which leads to giving up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in an emotional experience of despair, which leads to indifference, which leads to giving up.

Why do I experience an emotional experience of despair, which leads to indifference, which leads to giving up?
I experience despair because I do not know how to come out of this misery. I think I have to come out of this to free myself, instead of seeing that within this situation, within staying and seeing into this experience I can free myself. I do not believe that I can ever come out this experience of being stuck, and so I become the emotional experience of indifference, I give up. It does not make sense, 'het heeft toch geen zin', so I give up.
The only thing that has left is sleeping. This I 'feel good' in, in this I do not 'have to do' anything so I can relax.
I am not actually doing this but I am longing for this, which is still as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to belief that I do not know how to come out of this misery.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to come out of this misery instead of seeing that within this situation, within staying and seeing into this experience I can free myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not believe that I can ever come out this experience of being stuck, and and so I become the emotional experience of indifference and give up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become the emotional experience of indifference.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to give up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to go into sleeping as the only thing that has left that 'feels good'.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to keep the relation with the mind as 'feeling good' alive by the desire to go back to sleep to feel good, and within this I do the same as m which I want him to stop, to live via 'a go(o)d feeling' which is living in/as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to seperate myself from 'feeling good', from me being go(o)d as life, and for this I am longing for an experience outside myself where I can feel good in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to see sleeping as the only place that I can relax in, that I do not have to do anything in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to seperate myself from myself as a place where I can relax and for this I am longing for an experience outside myself to relax.

What am I stuck in?
I am stuck in attention.
It started in the first relationship I was in on earth with the mother. She laid her attention on me (see the blog living via the love of/for another person). To get away from this, from Here, I started hiding in the mind. Where I became stuck in my own attention, my own consciousness. I started hiding in my room in the house I grew up in. And I am living in exactly the same situation at the moment. Living in the house with a person that wants to live via the love for me so laying attention on me, and for this I am 'paying' attention on him to see if he is not laying attention on me, reacting as if his attention can freeze me, and within this I am freezing myself. I asked him to knock on the door before coming in and I will do the same; as as long we are not able to walk into the other room in breath we are disturbing each other.
I am stuck living in the house with a person that I have nothing in common with (as the mind); we cannot communicate. I am stuck in my greatest nightmare, which happens when you go walking life asleep. Than you slowly but surely wake up in the greatest nightmare. Which is also not real but which I experience as real at the moment. When I write this 'but' I see that I am not ready to give up om this, I use it for something. I am holding on to an illusion of a relationship. I am holding on to the illusion of the relationship in general as something real. And within this I create all misery and sadness and other feelings and emotions, all energy.
So actually I am stuck in the energy that is coming forward out of the situation of living in the house together where I am stuck in attention of the mind of myself, in my own energy-body/relation with my own mind which is extensively triggered by the energy-body/relation with the mind of the other person.
He is living via his love for me, I am living via my disgust against this living via his love for me.
Which gives conflict which gives energy, which gives reaction after reaction until we are stuck in reaction on each others attention.

(I am dissatisfied with the situation that I live in, with the man that I live with (next blog: need-desire-dissatisfaction).)

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to got stuck in attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become so very angry when m is trying to get my attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become possessed by my own angryness when m is trying to get my attention, so I got stuck in my own possession.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I do not know how to stay in breath when m is trying to get my attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not allow myself to stay in breath when m is trying to get my attention as this allowing myself to stay in breath feels like giving up myself, as myself as the mind is the only capacity that I know as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to forget to stay in breath when m is trying to get my attention, and instead of this I believe that I have to do something with this angryness that is coming up and that I have to make clear to the other person that he must stop with trying to get my attention, which of course is giving more attention and creating energy to keep the relation with the mind alive.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hate myself for this, for allowing myself to abuse myself with my own angryness and frustration and leave myself behind, desperate and exhausted without really seeing where I left myself behind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience myself as so very inferior by this behaviour of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame myself for this stupid reacting everytime on this stupid call of attention from another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself as stupid that I react on every call of attention from another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define a call of attention as stupid and with doing this I create another layer of judgement.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become over-sensitive by this over-reacting on every call of attention outside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself as over-sensitive, instead of seeing that this pattern of attention I lived in as a child did have become abusive, and living in abuse as a child is not an easy thing to live in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that this over-sensitivety is real, instead of seeing that this is the energy-body as the relation with the mind that has become over-sensitive by over-reacting on every call of attention outside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to isolate myself because I cannot handle my own reactions on the call of attention outside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience an extremely disgust towards myself, projected on the other person, because of this over-reacting on every call of attention outside me, which means that I seperated myself from my over-reacting on every call outside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear being consumed by the other person, which is actually to fear being consumed by my own reactions as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect being consumed by the other person which is actually being consumed by my own reactions as the mind to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear my own fear as I as the mind as consciousness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to control the environment that I live in because I cannot handle the over-reaction of myself on every call of attention outside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame myself for controling the environment I live in because I cannot handle the reactions inside myself on every call of attention outside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to see the tendence inside myself to ask his attention because I blame myself for over-reacting on his call of attention, and with this we keep stuck in asking attention and pushing away.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to confuse and scare m by asking him to stop asking me for attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to take responsability for m by believing that he does not understand what I am speaking about, by substitute experience of what it must be for m in this situation and within this I am keeping him alive with over-explaining and being too carefully about what is going on, which is exactly what he as the mind wants.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to keep a relation to the mind alive by acting as this substitute experience of what it must be for m in this situation which is actually controling the situation with responsability for the other person, insetad of taking responsability for myself by stopping my own reactions on this pattern of being stuck in this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to paralyze myself by over-reacting on the call of attention outside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to react on the call of attention outside me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see when a question is real and when a question is just a call for attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to see if a question is a call for attention or a 'real' question, as I cannot see what it means for the other person to ask me this question; the only thing that I can see into is in my own reactions on this question.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that every question is a call for attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience seeing into this, into my own pattern of reactions as so very horrible that I do not believe that many people will start seeing into this within themselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience an emotion of sadness by the realization that m will not walk this way with me, that I have to walk this walk alone, and for this I should not ask him to understand me, I should not ask him for attention.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience being alone when I push away m.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am a horrible person to live with, that every one has to walk on mouse-feet when I am in the house and for that I prefer to live alone with animals as this is the only place I know where I can relax inside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hate the systems inside myself, all of them.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hate being a system which is hating myself as I have become these systems.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create a tenced atmosphere in the house by asking for not asking for my attention and with this I only enlarge the attention upon and within myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel such an idiod for stepping into this pattern over and over again.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to judge myself as being an idiod for stepping into this pattern over and over again which is only cerating another layer of judgement which is keeping me away from what is really going on, from myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel terrible because I worry about what other person will think of me when I behave like this, which is keeping me away from myself and puts my attention on others as worries about their thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to worry about other people thoughts, instead of seeing into my own thoughts and start working with these.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself responsable for the thoughts of other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I do not know how to have a conversation without triggering this energy-body, instead of seeing that a conversation is in/as the mind, which is always connected to this energy-body as this is the personal relation to the mind-system.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am not able to communicate as myself without making worries about the thoughts of other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to always have my attention outside myself when I am with another person without having another focus together, scanning the environment if everything is okay, if the other person is not paying attention to me and with doing this I pay attention to them, I lay my consciousness on them.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to sleep so much in the past because this paying attention exhausted me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to allow myself to suppress myself with the mind-attentions/consciousness, which gives the experience of being exhausted as this suppressing as the mind costs a lot of energy as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to ask people questions 'out of interest' to give them some attention to focus on, to distract the attention from myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not being able to move when m is nearby, and within him I see the same, he is not able to move when I am nearby.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not want other people to hear me because than they can lay their attention on me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to only 'feel good' when another person understands me, in which I make myself as the mind as feeling good completely dependant on the understanding of other people.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to feel good instead of seeing that feeling good is keeping myself in relation with the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am responsable for the thoughts of another person, and for this I could not stop reacting on/correcting the other person as I saw this as the only way to stop my own reactions inside and have a livible life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself responsable for the thoughts of another person by reacting on the thoughts with thoughts, feelings and emotions and within this making the other person responsable for my reactions on the other person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe the thought "I am stuck in this".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the experience of being stuck is real, instead of seeing that I as the mind am stuck in my own reactions that I create in/as the mind; I as self can not be stuck in this as I as self am not my reactions as thoughts, emotions and feelings.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to suppress myself as life by I as the mind, which gives the experience of being stuck in attention of consciousness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am stuck in this.

I cannot believe that I gave up on myself for the love of the other person.
This is what I experience everytime when another person is 'betraying' me, as in lying to me to safe his/her own ass, probably to not 'loose' me.  And this is what I have done somewhere, I gave up on myself for the love of the other person, going into the mind, betraying myself, lying to myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not believe that I gave up on myself for the love of the other person, and thus I become angry when I see another person giving up on self and lysing for the love of me as another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I can only walk together with a person with a likely energy-body as seen in the construct of soulmates/soulgroups, instead of seeing that with this I will give up on myself again, or actually go on with giving up on myself for living in the good feeling that I experienced in/as the mind while two beings from the same soulgroup come together.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define this good feeling that I experience in/as the mind while being together with a being from the same soulgroup as being alive.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience an emotion of sadness by the realization that this illusion of feeling good with a being from the same soulgroup is not real.

Corrective statements:
When and as I see myself participating in attention I stop, I breathe.
I put my two hands together to bring myself Here in the physical.
I realize that I believe that I need to be in a relationship with someone who has the same kind of energy-body as I have, as this is the only way to stay together without being irritated too much by the presence/energy-body of the other person. And so I believe that it is not possible to be together with a person who has a different kind of energy-body as me, like my mother or m. I believe that I am 'right' in this, and so I think I have the right to be angry at them and to walk away from them.

Relationships are in/as the mind, which I am not continue living in. So the energy-body of myself as the relation of me with my mind is going to stop by applying self-forgiveness and corrective statements. This is the only way to stop my reactions on the energy-body of another person. And this will take time and lot's of pushing of and patience towards myself, as this energy-body is the only thing that I believe that I know as myself and that I created an believe in as being me, as this is my justification of my behaviour while living in the horrible experience of growing up in an unequal situation in/as the mind.

When and as I see myself reacting as an energy-body towards the call of attention or even just on the presence of another person as an energy-body, I stop, I breathe.
I put my two hands together to bring myself Here in the physical.
I realize that I react as an energy-body on a different kind of energy-body, which is not real, which is not who I am as life or who the other person is as life.
I realize that stopping these reactions feels like giving up on myself, which is actually giving up on what I know as myself as an energy-body as a relation to the mind.
I realize that this experience is really unnatural, as me as the energy-body is what is known as natural as what has existed very constantly for a very long time.
I realize that I believe that this natural experience is real, so I make living within this natural experience reality.
I realize that stopping this natural experience as substitute of living feels like dying as giving up on everything that I have ever known and that I have ever 'feel good' in.

So I stop, I breathe. I embrace myself in this experience of dying, in this giving up on 'feeling good' as a substitute for life. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for separating myself from dying and living, holding myself in breath, to breathe myself alive.
I will not allow myself to go into an experience of feeling good; I hold myself here and accept that this is not a nice experience as it feels 'not good', until I stop the separation of myself as go(o)d and not g(o)od.

Word:
Attention
In the thought "I am stuck in this" is 'this' 'Attention', I am stuck in attention.
I redefine attention as I redefinine what I am stuck in; if I redefine what I think that I am stuck in I take away the load of being stuck as I am not able to be stuck in this anymore.

Defenition: Aandacht, oplettendheid, attentie
attentie: kleine beleefdheidsdienst
aandacht: opmerkzaamheid, oplettendheid

at·ten·tion

   /n. əˈtɛnʃən; interj. əˌtɛnˈʃʌn/ Show Spelled[n. uh-ten-shuhn; interj. uh-ten-shuhn] Show IPA

noun

1. the act or faculty of attending, especially by directing the mind to an object.

2. Psychology .

a. a concentration of the mind on a single object or thought, especially one preferentially selected from a   complex, with a view to limiting or clarifying receptivity by narrowing the range of stimuli.

b. a state of consciousness characterized by such concentration.

c. a capacity to maintain selective or sustained concentration.

3. observant care; consideration: Individual attention is given to each child.

4. civility or courtesy: attention to a guest.

5. notice or awareness: His deliberate cough caught the waiter's attention.

Synonyms 1. awareness, consciousness, watchfulness, alertness, mindfulness, heed. 4.  deference, politeness, regard; respect, homage.

Origin: 1325–75; Middle English attencioun  < Latin attentiōn-  (stem of attentiō ). See attent, -ion

Attent leads to attend teads to tenet which is holds.

All defenitions and origins of holding with/in/as the mind.

The only word I can work with is awareness.
If I am aware as myself I am no longer paying attention or disturbed by attention.
To become aware I hold the attention within myself, to see in the mind where I seperated myself from myself as life.

Positive/negative charge:
Depending on the persons energy-body that the attention comes from positive or negative, which is depending on preference of the relationship with/in/as the mind.

New defenition:
Being aware of self to see where I as the mind has seperated myself from self as life.