donderdag 17 mei 2012

2012 - system-design of Guilt - To sacrifice myself

Why do I believe that I am responsible for the situation of m having no home?
I don't understand why I believe that I have to take care of him finding a place to live, while last year, when we met each other, the situation was the same, he was moving from place to place.
It has something to do with myself. When he cannot find a place to live here in the environment, he has to go to another place more far away combined with work, and because I do not want to live with him in one house, I feel guilty about this when this eventually happens. I could have stopped this while staying together in one house, which I did for a year, and which is not most effective for me and him to stand alone.

Thought:
What if he is not finding a new room?

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think "What if he is not finding a new room?".

Trigger-point:
m making jokes by asking me where his room is in the new house.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect m making jokes by asking where his room is in the new house to the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist m making jokes by asking where his room is in the new house as a trigger-point within me, which triggers the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?".

Type of thought:
Fear

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that he is not finding a new room.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist fear inside me by participating in the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?".

Emotion:
Guilt

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?" to an emotional experience of guilt.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in an emotional experience of guilt.

Why do I connect an emotional experience of guilt to the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?".

I experience an emotion of guilt because I believe that it is my fault that he is not having a room to live in. I believe this because there was a possibility to stay in the big house together, where there is place enough for two person. In this house I am not yet able to stand alone because I make worries all the time about m not being responsible, which has eventually effect on him working outside so on the money he brings in. I cannot control him in this, I can only direct myself in this. And if he is not willing to write and apply self-forgiveness, he is creating his thoughts in reality to see himself in this, and this is what I allow to make myself restless. I can not apply myself in the most effective way with him around me all the time because I let myself distract too much by taking care of him, and I want to take care of myself. Within this I loose myself as it are too much reactions inside at the same time coming forward out of being dependant on a part of his money. I want to proove myself to stand as myself alone, directing myself without making troubles in the system, as making troubles in the system is delaying the process by creating unnecessary rumour. He sees this rumour as normal and no problem, for me it is a problem, it is distracting form self. So living alone is the best option for me, as I can apply myself in this at the most effective way and he can see himself in the situation that he creates himself; within this I can see what my creations are and what his are, so within this I can see myself in the most clear way.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience an emotion of guilt when I start applying myself in the most effective way for me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to take care of the other person, instead of taking care of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to take care of the other person because I am dependent on some money of the other person, and if he is making trouble I believe I am in trouble too, and so I take care of him as this is taking care of myself, instead of seeing that with this care-taking I some kind of protect him from seeing/living his own consequenses, which makes it unable for him to see himself in his created consequense and it makes me blaming him for carrying his consequenses which makes me unable to see myself in my own consequenses by being busy with him, and so within this we both are not able to see ourselves so we can forgive and correct ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to wait till the other person is moving as self so that I can be free, instead of seeing that I can move myself to become free as myself; free from the limited constructions that I allowed and created inside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am dependant on the other person to free myself from the limited constructions that I allowed and created inside myself, and within this I blame the other person for creating this limited constructions inside myself, which makes me experience an emotion of guilt about blaming the other person for something that I am responsible for.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the guilt I experience is coming forward out of me moving as myself, instead of seeing that the experience of guilt is coming forward out of not moving myself and blaming others for this, and blame gives an experience of guilt.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel guilty about receiving money for the rent of the house while he is loosing his money all the time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I do not need the money, instead of seeing that I need all the money at the moment to make myself a living while standing alone.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to stand alone financial, which is hiding under the layer of an emotional experience of guilt, which I use as an excuse to not stand alone financial.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel guilty/experience an emotion of guilt when m looses his money all the time and for this he has no money, while I take care of the money so I have money, instead of seeing that when he just pay some rent and is carefull with the money he has, he has more than enough to live widely drom, actually more than I have.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel guilty about having enough money while m is loosing his money by not taking care of it because I raised in Holland and he in Polen, and he has is grown up in poverty while I had enough money to live from.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create an emotional experience of guilt because I am raised with enough money and he with too little, instead of seeing that this emotional experience of guilt is making me ineffective to take self-responsibility and stand up for a world in equality with enough money to live for all living beings.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to take care of that one person to free myself from the guilt I experience out of not being self-honest by living in self-interest in partivipating in thoughts, emotions and feelings, instead of seeing that taking care of another being in self-dishonesty is keeping me and the other and the world prisoner in the construct of inequality in and as the world.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am not able to make myself a living standing alone while working for a world that is best for all, and for this I feel guilty about going to live alone as I believe that I need to stay with him to have enough money to support a world that is best for all, instead of seeing that I do not support a world that is best for all by reacting on the other person who I am dependent on for some money as this reactions inside myself is not supporting live, but is keeping the mind-construct/money-construct alive.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to sacrifice myself for a world that is best for all living beings, to buy myself free from the emotional experience of guilt.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to buy myself free from an emotional experience of guilt by sacrificing myself to myself as the system that I have become, which I create as a situation that I live in and that I believe that I am not allowed to stop because I make myself dependant on the situation I live in, instead of seeing that I somehow created this situation.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself dependent on the situation I live in, justifying trhis situation as a reason to not stand up as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to use a christian program as buying yourself free by sacrificing yourself to the mindsystem we have become as a reason to not stand up as self.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to stand for a world that is best for all EXcluded myself by sacrificing myself to the mindsystem=God, instead of seeing that I can only support a world that is best for all if it includes myself as life, as I am the world; only when within and without is the same I am effective as support for a world that is best for all.

Self-corrective statement:
When and as I see myself participate in an experience of guilt when I am moving to another house and m is not yet having a place to stay, I stop, I breathe. I realise tha within this I am a living example of being most effective as a support for/as self to stand alone, and within this a most effective support for others as all life. Within this I can be self-responsible, and if I am self-responsible - responsible as Self as Life - within this I am automatically responsible for others as Self as Life as I am no longer seperated from life as myself as others as all life. I have to be one as Self as Life to stand equal to all Life within this oneness with/as Life. As long as I am seperated from life in/as myself, I am not one and not equal to all life, which is not effective to support a world in oneness and equality.
I do not allow myself to participate in an emotional experience of guilt coming forward out of the sacrificing program that we all learned in a world that is dependent on God/the money-system, as this is not a system that is best for all life. I stop participating in the god-system by stopping to sacryfice myself to this mind/god/money-system that I have become. I stop, I breathe. I take self-responsibility and within this I support myself as others by writing myself to freedom from the structures that I have become myself; by applying self-forgiveness to what I have allowed myself to become and to change myself in practical living, to see myself as life as breath and to be/become a living example of what it is to live as life as breath.

Word:
Joke
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noun
1.something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing anecdote, or a prankish act: He tells very funny jokes. She played a joke on him.
2.something that is amusing or ridiculous, especially because of being ludicrously inadequate or a sham; a thing, situation, or person laughed at rather than taken seriously; farce: Their pretense of generosity is a joke. An officer with no ability to command is a joke.
3.a matter that need not be taken very seriously; trifling matter: The loss was no joke.
4.something that does not present the expected challenge; something very easy: The test was a joke for the whole class.
noun 
a playful trick, often involving some physical agent or means, in which the victim is placed in an embarrassing or disadvantageous position.
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I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience a joke of m as an entrapment, as provoking me to take responsibility for the joke that the other person has become, and by reacting on this I confirm this as I do not be self-responible in this through reacting in/as the mind, an within this I give the example of not being self-responsible.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to trap in the other persons mind-trap by believing that I have to explain the other person what he is doing, which is trapping me in my own mind-trap of trying to change the other person by trying to change the other person, instead of seeing that I can only change myself by stopping my reactions on the mind-trap of another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the mind-trap of the other person can harm me, and for this I start protecting me with justifications and explanations, in which I make myself responsible for the mind of myself and of the other person, instead of being self-responsible by stopping the reactions in/as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see why I believe that the joke of the other person can harm me, instead of seeing that I believe that it can harm me as long as I make myself dependent from the other person in/as the mind, and money is a reason to make myself dependent on the other person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that money is a justified reason to make myself dependent on the other person, instead of seeing that it is only a reason in the reality that we live in in a world created in/as the mind as the money-system.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see how everything is dependent on each other in/as the mind through money, which is really making a joke of ourselves as who we have allowed to become: a money-system, gold-diggers, exactly the way Anu created us.

Positive/negative charge:
negative, as I do not like what I have allowed to become and I do not like to see this self-responsibility of what we have allowed to become being pushed off by making jokes as long as I am not sure that the other person is seeing that the joke is always about self.

New defenition:
To see ourselves as the system that we have become with all the nonsense that we have allowed to become in this, which is not real as who we are as Life, but a practical application of total manipulation without anyone seeing this happening; the one who makes the joke is speaking as this system of manipulation that he/she has become, all or not aware that it is all about what self has allowed and accepted to become.













maandag 14 mei 2012

2012 - System-design of Giving Up

I am giving up before I have already started. I notice this in one specific area in my life, on the area of relationships, and with relationships I mean a relation between man and woman (in my case). The so called 'love-relation'. I see for a long time that I want an agreement with a person, meaning standing alone together. Actually, I don't know what it is to stand alone, and thus I start immediately with the together or I don't start at all. Out of fear that the other person walks away or I walk away within the process of 'getting to know each other', which of course is getting to know ourselves, I want to go immediately to the end. While I write this I notice this is future-projection instead of giving up, although the giving up is also present. I give up to walk the process to get to know each other as myself before I even start the process and go immediately to the end, and within this fear I make a future projection to keep myself safe in this projection. In which of course I disappoint myself because I cannot fulfill my own projection and neather can the other person.

Why do I give up to walk the process to get to know myself as the other, the other as myself?
Because I do not see how we can come through this process. And I confirmed this many times by starting a relationship and breaking up (by me or the other) before we even tried to find out how to walk the process with another as myself and within this with/as myself in the first place.

Thought:
I will never make it till the end.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think "I will never make it till the end".

Trigger-point:
M moving out the house to disconnect our symbiotic behaviour on my request.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect M moving out the house to disconnect our symbiotic behaviour on my request to the thought "I will never make it till the end".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist M moving out the house to disconnect our symbiotic behaviour on my request as a trigger-point within me, which triggers the thought "I will never make it till the end".

Type of thought:
Doubt coming forward out of fear

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to doubt myself coming forward out of fear by participating in the thought "I will never make it till the end".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist doubt coming forward out of fear inside myself by participating in the thought "I will never make it till the end".

Emotions:
Sadness
Quilt

 I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought "I will never make it till the end" to an emotional experience of sadness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in an emotional experience of sadness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought "I will never make it till the end" to an emotional experience of guilt.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in an emotional experience of quilt.

 Why do I connect an emotional experience of sadness and quilt to the thought "I will never make it till the end"?

I believe I hurted m within this request to leave, and because I hurted him he is pulling back, and not 'available' anymore for me, he is out of my reach, which is what is necessary but at the same time is really scaring me. I see myself grabbing around in the mind, finding reasons to call him, sms him, seemable not able to stop this behaviour, which is not real of course. When he was in the house I was only busy with my resistance and protecting myself against him 'disturbing' me, so I was not able to see my own dependency. I only got angry at what I saw as his dependency. I knew it is a mirror but I could not stop the resistance to really start seeing inside myself, I only saw that he was totally refusing to see inside self, which kept me busy with him.

At the moment I am scared, scared that he will walk away, that he will destroy himself and go back living on the street. Scared because I really don't know how to walk this. I cannot see further than one day by one day.

I feel quilty that I am not able to live together with him at the moment, and he has to go back to a living situation where he started, with other polish people in one house, where they are drinking a lot of alcohol and projecting everything on each other.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself responsible for the living of m before we met because when we met I was not able to stand up as myself and walk a process in self-honesty, and for that I have to do it now, which brings m and me both to our weak point, our breaking- point, which if I don't do this, will influence every moment of our living together because we live this in fear for this breaking-point.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that m is not able to stand up out of falling in his breaking point, the point that I see from the beginning and the point that I did not want to face out of fear that he is leaving in falling.I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that m is leaving me in his falling, which explains why I fear that he will pull me down in his falling, which is not true I see now, I keep standing, but still fearing to be 'left alone', so still fearing to 'fall into loneliness', the reason why I never walked this point, out of fear that the other person is not able to stand up and stand with me in equality, and for this I give up before I start by going immediately to the finish, actually trying to pass over this point.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to pass over the breaking-point out of fear to be left alone, and within this I do not allow and accept myself to establish self-trust.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed and not accepted myself to establish self-trust by passing over the breaking-point within me, out of fear to be left alone because I donot believe that the other person stands up from within his fall.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to still fear to be left alone when I am standing alone.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create a lot of sadness and whining coming forward out of fear to be left alone and for this, I do not stand up as myself and keep on whining because I am not living the potential that I know I am able to.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed and not accepted myself to live as me as the potential that I am able to, and for this I fall in sadness and whining and loneliness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fall into loneliness, which I see now is coming forward out of leaving myself alone by not allowing and accepting myself to live as me Al(l)one as the potential I am able to.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I don't like m who is not living as the potential he is able to, instead of seeing that I don't like me not living as the potential I am able to, projecting this on m.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed and not accepted myself to realise that if I do not allow myself to live as my full potential, I do not allow m to live as his full potential, because everytime he will try this I will pull him down, scared to be left behind in my own judgement, and he will do the same to me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to to fear myself to give in again to the easy way of committing ourselves to living in fear in/as the mind, stiffling each other in this cramped embracement, not to each other but to the house I live in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make the house I live in the reason for not standing up as ourselves in our full potential.

When I see myself participating in the tendence of giving in to the easy way by 'helping' m by solving things for him in a way that does not serve myself as himself I stop, I breathe. I see in myself if what I am doing is really a support for both of us or if it is a way to run back to the old reliable way of living. I do not give into fear of being left alone and I do not give into an emotional experience of quilt when m is having a difficult time standing up in his situation.
I realize that he can only establish self-trust if he stand up as/by himself, and for me this is the same; I need to keep standing up in my full potential, undependent of the man being with me or not, undependent on what the man is doing/how he is living. This is the only 'way' to establish self-trust within me, and only within self-trust I can stand as myself for a world in equality; and only within self-trust I can walk as myself with a man.
Within this I keep seeing with common sense if it's still reasonable what I am doing, if it's practical possible what I am asking.
I realize that it's not the house that keeps us standing, it is me directing me which keeps me standing, and within this I am an example for m by keep on standing on my own feet, open for communication and support but not willing to do the work for him. I realize that, although I believed that the house is what is keeping m and me here, this is not real. It is me keeping me Here, standing Alone for oneness and equality, not running away to another man but being present, seeing if m is standing with me. I realize that if he is falling, we human beings all have to wait. I cannot allow myself to not give all my effort to support him in standing up, and within this I am standing up as myself.

If I see myself participating in an emotional experience of loneliness I stop, I breathe. I realize that I feel lonely because somewhere I give in to compromising myself by not living in/as the full potential that I am able to, and within this I leave myself which gives an experience of loneliness. I stop, I breathe. I see in myself where I leave myself and I apply self-forgiveness on it. I do not allow myself to fall into loneliness, no matter what happens around me, no matter what m is doing or not doing. I embrace myself and realize that one by one, people will stand up, standing with me. There is no choice, not for me, not for m, not for anybody.
I realize that I created the experiences of loneliness within myself as an illusion. These experiences does not mean that m is leaving me; actually it does not say anything about m but everything about me. It is my created experience so I can stop this within/as myself. I do not allow myself to project my experience of loneliness on the situation with m; I realize that it are emotions coming forward out of past situations, and at the moment they are coming up so I can stop them and forgive myself for allowing and accepting the participation within these emotions of sadness coming forward out of loneliness, coming forward out of leaving myself. I do not allow myself to leave myself again by participating in these experiences of loneliness again.

If I see myself grabbing around in/as my mind, searching for a way to find out what m will do in future, searching for a way to force him to stand up, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I am completely enslaved to having a relation in/as the mind with a man/with m. This is what I have to face inside myself. This enslavement leads to giving up if I don't stop myself, because it keeps me enslaved in/as the mind to another person which makes me dependent on the other person, and the mind will always give up/give in at some point when the other person is not 'doing what I want'.
I realize that I tried everything to stand as myself by stopping my reactions on him not standing as himself, and I am not yet able to stop myself reacting. Which is an indication that I am not standing alone. If I stand alone I do not react on m not standing alone. So I stop my reactions towards him as asking him to stand up by himself and than come to me, which actually means that I ask him to what I have to do myself, stand up by myself and then eventually walk together.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know if I am making a mistake by asking m to stand up by himself and than come to me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared that he will never come to me, and that I spoiled an opportunity to walk together in patience instead of hunting him and me to stand up as ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame him and me for not standing alone yet.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am not able to stand up alone while he is physical with me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel so sad that I am not yet able to stand up as myself while he is physical with me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be so enslaved to a relation in/as the mind with a man that I am not able to be in physical present with a man while I am standing up as myself. 
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame myself that I am not able to stand up as myself while m is here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I wasted a great chance to live together, instead of realizing that I tried this for a year, and that we need a change if we really want to stand alone together.

I realize that I am sad because I am scared that he is not coming to me, that he is not able to stand up as himself, which indicates that I am scared that I am not able to stand up as myself. In the moment it is ok, so the fear is coming forward out of future-projection.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not want to stop this future-projection because I want to know how things end before I can stay in trust, instead of seeing that there is no garantee, I do not know how things end because I have to walk in self-trust to give myself direction, and within this it becomes clear how things go. I cannot know how things end as this is not important; this is the mind, being busy with ending because the mind knows that he will end someday, projected on the process that I walk with m.

http://eqafe.com/i/ischaefer-reptilians-the-promise-of-eternal-life-part-13

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience this uncertainty as not knowing if m is coming to me or not, as the most horrorfying situation that I have been through.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to repeat this situation again because I didnot stand up in it before.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience this relationship-issues as the most horrorfying situation that I have been through, while a large part of the world is suffering without even having food and water.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed and not accepted myself to see how much enslaved I am in/as the mind to a relationship with a man/m.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know how to direct myself in this, which I also see reflected in m, not knowing how to direct himself standing up in his situation, and because I do also not know how to direct myself alone, I ask him to stand up quickly so we can direct ourselves together. I do it again, wanting to stand up together instead of standing up alone.

When and as I see myself participating in this horrorfying experience inside myself I stop, I breathe. I realize that I experience this emotional giving up as real, but with common sense I know it is not real. So I breathe. I transfer this giving up in an emotional whining into 'giving up' from trying to grasp to this relationship with m in/as the mind that I created, which is actually a relation as the mind to keep myself as mind alive. I transfer this giving up into forgiving myself for what I have accepted and allowed to become.
Within this I realize that these emotions are not saying anything about what m is doing or not doing, and I do not have any influence on this by pushing him to stand up. I spoke clearly to him that I am Here if he wants to walk with me. I can only stand as/for myself in the decision of who I am. If I do not make this decision for myself, than who am I asking m to stand with? Than I still ask him to keep me standing instead of standing with me.

I realize that it is possible to stand up alone while m is physical around. Standing up means stopping reactions inside myself on m, and within this I can stand up. As long as I try to 'stand up' as a movement to stand up, I try to stand up in/as the mind, which will lead to falling down again.

I commit myself to stop my reactions in/as the mind on m while he is physical around. I realize that living together is one step too far at the moment, so this I/we will change. This does not mean that I cannot stop my reactions on him while we are (still living) together. Every possibility to stop my reactions inside myself is a possibility to become one breath more alive. I commit myself to utilize every option for stopping my reactions in/as the mind on m or another person. When I 'fail' in this, I apply s.f. and go on with this process of stopping my reactions. Within this I become alive breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand as myself by stopping all (possibilities for) relationships in/as the mind, including the relationship with m. I realize that the best option/most effective option for me to stand alone is in living alone, and this is what I am going to do. I move to another small house that I can finance myself. I support m in finding a place for himself. Within this we can establish self-trust within ourselves, standing alone with support of each other, taking care of ourselves. This standing alone will be a base from where we can see what is possible for walking alone together.

I commit myself to walk myself alive by writing everyday to see what I have allowed and accepted to become; only if I see myself I can stop myself from being energetic enslaved to the mind as the other.

Word:
End

Defenition:
verb (used with object)
23.to bring to an end or conclusion: We ended the discussion on a note of optimism.
24.to put an end to; terminate: This was the battle that ended the war.
25.to form the end of: This passage ends the novel.
26.to cause the demise of; kill: A bullet through the heart ended him.
27.to constitute the most outstanding or greatest possible example or instance of (usually used in the infinitive): You just committed the blunder to end all blunders.

(As a noun it means end like the end of the street).

Origin:
O.E. ende, from P.Gmc. *andja (cf. O.Fris. enda, O.N. endir, O.H.G. enti), originally "the opposite side," from PIE *antjo "end, boundary," from base anta-/*anti- "opposite, in front of, before" (see ante). Original sense of "outermost part" is obsolete except in phrase ends
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nr 27 is discribing why I believe I will never make it till the end, as the end is something that I see as the most oustanding or greatest possible example of what I/we as human race can be(come), and I as the mind can not imagine this is possible, and for this I want to give up before I even start, to not become disappointed when I am not able to.

The origine gives it as anti-opposite; within this it's a word that has it's origine in polarity.
Boundery.
it is like this word descrives the mind: boundery, anti, the opposite side.
So I believe I will never make it till the end as Mind. Which is true, I will not make it as Mind.

Positive/negative charge:
Negative, as dying, as a total end of the world.
Positive, as a relieve as I am released/rescued from this large self-responsibility of what I have accepted and allowed to become, another reason to use for giving up, as in this I believe that I am released/rescued when I do nothing and give up, which is not real of course.
Ik forgive myself that I have aloowed and accepted myself to believe that I am released/rescued from my self-responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed to become, instead of seeing that I am not released of this until I stand up as self-responsible person.


New Defenition:
The end of the mind is the start of Living, so the end is a start where in the mind is solved/absorbed in totality within Life as Breath as the Solution of Humanity.