donderdag 17 mei 2012

2012 - system-design of Guilt - To sacrifice myself

Why do I believe that I am responsible for the situation of m having no home?
I don't understand why I believe that I have to take care of him finding a place to live, while last year, when we met each other, the situation was the same, he was moving from place to place.
It has something to do with myself. When he cannot find a place to live here in the environment, he has to go to another place more far away combined with work, and because I do not want to live with him in one house, I feel guilty about this when this eventually happens. I could have stopped this while staying together in one house, which I did for a year, and which is not most effective for me and him to stand alone.

Thought:
What if he is not finding a new room?

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think "What if he is not finding a new room?".

Trigger-point:
m making jokes by asking me where his room is in the new house.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect m making jokes by asking where his room is in the new house to the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?".
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist m making jokes by asking where his room is in the new house as a trigger-point within me, which triggers the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?".

Type of thought:
Fear

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that he is not finding a new room.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let exist fear inside me by participating in the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?".

Emotion:
Guilt

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to connect the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?" to an emotional experience of guilt.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to participate in an emotional experience of guilt.

Why do I connect an emotional experience of guilt to the thought "What if he is not finding a new room?".

I experience an emotion of guilt because I believe that it is my fault that he is not having a room to live in. I believe this because there was a possibility to stay in the big house together, where there is place enough for two person. In this house I am not yet able to stand alone because I make worries all the time about m not being responsible, which has eventually effect on him working outside so on the money he brings in. I cannot control him in this, I can only direct myself in this. And if he is not willing to write and apply self-forgiveness, he is creating his thoughts in reality to see himself in this, and this is what I allow to make myself restless. I can not apply myself in the most effective way with him around me all the time because I let myself distract too much by taking care of him, and I want to take care of myself. Within this I loose myself as it are too much reactions inside at the same time coming forward out of being dependant on a part of his money. I want to proove myself to stand as myself alone, directing myself without making troubles in the system, as making troubles in the system is delaying the process by creating unnecessary rumour. He sees this rumour as normal and no problem, for me it is a problem, it is distracting form self. So living alone is the best option for me, as I can apply myself in this at the most effective way and he can see himself in the situation that he creates himself; within this I can see what my creations are and what his are, so within this I can see myself in the most clear way.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience an emotion of guilt when I start applying myself in the most effective way for me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to take care of the other person, instead of taking care of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to take care of the other person because I am dependent on some money of the other person, and if he is making trouble I believe I am in trouble too, and so I take care of him as this is taking care of myself, instead of seeing that with this care-taking I some kind of protect him from seeing/living his own consequenses, which makes it unable for him to see himself in his created consequense and it makes me blaming him for carrying his consequenses which makes me unable to see myself in my own consequenses by being busy with him, and so within this we both are not able to see ourselves so we can forgive and correct ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to wait till the other person is moving as self so that I can be free, instead of seeing that I can move myself to become free as myself; free from the limited constructions that I allowed and created inside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am dependant on the other person to free myself from the limited constructions that I allowed and created inside myself, and within this I blame the other person for creating this limited constructions inside myself, which makes me experience an emotion of guilt about blaming the other person for something that I am responsible for.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the guilt I experience is coming forward out of me moving as myself, instead of seeing that the experience of guilt is coming forward out of not moving myself and blaming others for this, and blame gives an experience of guilt.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel guilty about receiving money for the rent of the house while he is loosing his money all the time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I do not need the money, instead of seeing that I need all the money at the moment to make myself a living while standing alone.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to stand alone financial, which is hiding under the layer of an emotional experience of guilt, which I use as an excuse to not stand alone financial.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel guilty/experience an emotion of guilt when m looses his money all the time and for this he has no money, while I take care of the money so I have money, instead of seeing that when he just pay some rent and is carefull with the money he has, he has more than enough to live widely drom, actually more than I have.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel guilty about having enough money while m is loosing his money by not taking care of it because I raised in Holland and he in Polen, and he has is grown up in poverty while I had enough money to live from.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create an emotional experience of guilt because I am raised with enough money and he with too little, instead of seeing that this emotional experience of guilt is making me ineffective to take self-responsibility and stand up for a world in equality with enough money to live for all living beings.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to take care of that one person to free myself from the guilt I experience out of not being self-honest by living in self-interest in partivipating in thoughts, emotions and feelings, instead of seeing that taking care of another being in self-dishonesty is keeping me and the other and the world prisoner in the construct of inequality in and as the world.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am not able to make myself a living standing alone while working for a world that is best for all, and for this I feel guilty about going to live alone as I believe that I need to stay with him to have enough money to support a world that is best for all, instead of seeing that I do not support a world that is best for all by reacting on the other person who I am dependent on for some money as this reactions inside myself is not supporting live, but is keeping the mind-construct/money-construct alive.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to sacrifice myself for a world that is best for all living beings, to buy myself free from the emotional experience of guilt.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to buy myself free from an emotional experience of guilt by sacrificing myself to myself as the system that I have become, which I create as a situation that I live in and that I believe that I am not allowed to stop because I make myself dependant on the situation I live in, instead of seeing that I somehow created this situation.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself dependent on the situation I live in, justifying trhis situation as a reason to not stand up as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to use a christian program as buying yourself free by sacrificing yourself to the mindsystem we have become as a reason to not stand up as self.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have to stand for a world that is best for all EXcluded myself by sacrificing myself to the mindsystem=God, instead of seeing that I can only support a world that is best for all if it includes myself as life, as I am the world; only when within and without is the same I am effective as support for a world that is best for all.

Self-corrective statement:
When and as I see myself participate in an experience of guilt when I am moving to another house and m is not yet having a place to stay, I stop, I breathe. I realise tha within this I am a living example of being most effective as a support for/as self to stand alone, and within this a most effective support for others as all life. Within this I can be self-responsible, and if I am self-responsible - responsible as Self as Life - within this I am automatically responsible for others as Self as Life as I am no longer seperated from life as myself as others as all life. I have to be one as Self as Life to stand equal to all Life within this oneness with/as Life. As long as I am seperated from life in/as myself, I am not one and not equal to all life, which is not effective to support a world in oneness and equality.
I do not allow myself to participate in an emotional experience of guilt coming forward out of the sacrificing program that we all learned in a world that is dependent on God/the money-system, as this is not a system that is best for all life. I stop participating in the god-system by stopping to sacryfice myself to this mind/god/money-system that I have become. I stop, I breathe. I take self-responsibility and within this I support myself as others by writing myself to freedom from the structures that I have become myself; by applying self-forgiveness to what I have allowed myself to become and to change myself in practical living, to see myself as life as breath and to be/become a living example of what it is to live as life as breath.

Word:
Joke
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noun
1.something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing anecdote, or a prankish act: He tells very funny jokes. She played a joke on him.
2.something that is amusing or ridiculous, especially because of being ludicrously inadequate or a sham; a thing, situation, or person laughed at rather than taken seriously; farce: Their pretense of generosity is a joke. An officer with no ability to command is a joke.
3.a matter that need not be taken very seriously; trifling matter: The loss was no joke.
4.something that does not present the expected challenge; something very easy: The test was a joke for the whole class.
noun 
a playful trick, often involving some physical agent or means, in which the victim is placed in an embarrassing or disadvantageous position.
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I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience a joke of m as an entrapment, as provoking me to take responsibility for the joke that the other person has become, and by reacting on this I confirm this as I do not be self-responible in this through reacting in/as the mind, an within this I give the example of not being self-responsible.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to trap in the other persons mind-trap by believing that I have to explain the other person what he is doing, which is trapping me in my own mind-trap of trying to change the other person by trying to change the other person, instead of seeing that I can only change myself by stopping my reactions on the mind-trap of another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the mind-trap of the other person can harm me, and for this I start protecting me with justifications and explanations, in which I make myself responsible for the mind of myself and of the other person, instead of being self-responsible by stopping the reactions in/as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see why I believe that the joke of the other person can harm me, instead of seeing that I believe that it can harm me as long as I make myself dependent from the other person in/as the mind, and money is a reason to make myself dependent on the other person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that money is a justified reason to make myself dependent on the other person, instead of seeing that it is only a reason in the reality that we live in in a world created in/as the mind as the money-system.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see how everything is dependent on each other in/as the mind through money, which is really making a joke of ourselves as who we have allowed to become: a money-system, gold-diggers, exactly the way Anu created us.

Positive/negative charge:
negative, as I do not like what I have allowed to become and I do not like to see this self-responsibility of what we have allowed to become being pushed off by making jokes as long as I am not sure that the other person is seeing that the joke is always about self.

New defenition:
To see ourselves as the system that we have become with all the nonsense that we have allowed to become in this, which is not real as who we are as Life, but a practical application of total manipulation without anyone seeing this happening; the one who makes the joke is speaking as this system of manipulation that he/she has become, all or not aware that it is all about what self has allowed and accepted to become.













2 opmerkingen:

  1. cool blog!!

    you could place the "share buttons down:

    http://sharethis.com/account/

    Thanks

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  2. visiting here with a smile~ =)

    Regards, www.lonelyreload.com (A Growing Teenager Diary)

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