What is happening.
People I speak about the process that I started within myself within Desteni.
Everyone sees the points of unequality, that this is related to money, that all the 'thinking' is driving crazy, that media is manipulating. And we all have created a way of living to 'deal' with this.
One has removed internet and television out of the house.
The other works in summer and goes to Indonesia in winter.
It has all something to do with isolating.
I isolated myself more or less in a small village in the grasslands.
When I start to speak about the mind and especially thoughts that are not real, and about the own responsability of the person, suddenly there is a change.
Today, the man first was saying that we 'filosofied' nice together about inequality. He wanted to hear what I was doing. When I started to speak about the mindsystem, he suddenly walked away.
Because of a similar situation yesterday, I saw it was enough for the moment, for me and for him.
Yesterday in the start of the conversation, a man coming to the store I work said, well you look very well, very fit; how are you?
I told him that I had some frustrations about the inequality inside and outside. That I started to see into this.
He did see all the same points. He 'arranged' everything with the thinking, with the mind and he said there was no way to change the inequality and no way to live without the thinking.
Speaking about the mind, the thoughts that are not real, he suddenly became very angry, started to 'warn' me. That desteni is a sect, that I am 'being busy wrong', that I will be grazy within 5 years, that I have to go to a shrink. (Actually I cannot see the exact moment where he suddenly changed).
In this moment I forgot to breath, I even forgot that I have an option to breath.
I could only say that the words he speak are about himself, not about me. And repeat this several times.
I notice that this is really a huge point which is difficult to see. Because when you see this, you start seeing yourself in the words you speak. And than there is no way back, no way to 'judge' another person and no way to hide anymore.
Why is this reflecting in the world around me?
Is it reflecting old patrons?
My mother never wanted to see inside herself, and for that, she never wanted to really see me.
My father was a scientist, he always worked with his brain and liked this, untill he got a little stroke and he lost some function of this.
(No bad words about my parents, just to see into the patrons).
Are this the two points that I see reflecting around me at the moment?
I very rarely spoke about these points with the family. But I also didnot want to lie. So I did not speak much in the familyhouse, I started to hide.
It was like I always saw a little more than most people around me so I was always afraid to speak about these things. Or is everybody seeing inside but not speaking about all these things so everybody feels the same about this? Or are there different 'programs' where one person lies more than another person which makes it more difficult to see inside yourself, which brings another frustration between people for creating more energy?
Another thing I really become aware of is that I am scared all the time, every minute that I am awake (as not sleeping in bed). Scared because I cannot hide anymore. Hiding from speaking up.
But when I become one with this feeling of being scared, I become a little more intimite with myself.
I am writing very vague words at the moment. I cannot find the words.
And this is also a mindstructure. My mother told me several times that she found that I was 'vague'.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am vague, instead of seeing that my mother was talking about herself, not able to understand herself what makes everything vague.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not believe that people around me will ever start to see inside themselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am all alone in this process, alone as the only one.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am 'the only one' in this process, which is very arrogant; with this I make myself bigger than other people around me, and I isolate myself.
Writing this, I see that isolating is arrogant. It is coming forward out of the thinking that I am better of alone as on my own, that 'I am doing better without the others'.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself bigger than other people by the thinking that I am better of alone as on my own.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be afraid of speaking about the unequality I felt inside and outside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see that all the mess inside and outside was because of unequality and for that I could not speak about it.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not speak about this unequality, because when I should speak about this I would 'make' myself equal as my mother and I didnot want this because I didnot understand what was going on.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not want to be equal as my mother.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see that I am already equal as my mother, and that I cannot make or unmake this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to run away my whole life out of fear that I have to be 'one' with my mother, instead of seeing that I can be one as myself, which makes us equal.
Yestarday I reacted, my body started to shake.
But I didnot die!
I became more alive, and the man I spoke with became more alive.
He came back some time later, with another excuse, that I cannot speak about these things when I am working, that I am just a store-assistent. That this is something to speak about in a cafe, but not here.
Which is reflecting another point inside me that I am having doubts about, working in a healthstore which is also commercial ofcourse, so how much can I say without loosing my job?!
But ok, I saw he came back less angry, and now he said that he was curious how I will be the next time he sees me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared that I will loose my job when I speak about the process within myself.
No, I am lying.
People donot react on the process inside myself, they react on desteni.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared that I will loose my job when I speak about myself started the process within myself within desteni.
So what is this?
I can do the process within myself, but I cannot do this within a group who is standing in and for equality and oneness in the whole world.
This has something to do with the words Jesus said:
"There where two people or more are assembled in My name, there I am in their midst"
"Daar waar twee mensen of meer in Mijn naam vergaderd zijn, daar ben ik in hun midden"
Jesus ofcourse read as Self as Life as Breath.
Are we not really alive when we are alone?
No we are not really alive when we are seperated, means living in/as the mind.
The isolating of the mind is weaken us. We made this our protection and we made ourselves believe that this makes us strong. But the opposite is manifesting.
We need to share ourselves as Life to really manifest (ourselves as) Life.
By being a Living Example, speaking Living Words.
That's why the man yesterday became so angry; I was shaking his reasons for isolating himself.
And this is why people are strongly reacting on desteni world wide.
'We' sharing ourselves within desteni are shaking their reasons for isolating/seperating/hiding themselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the reasons I isolated myself for were real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I needed to isolate myself for such a long time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not be carefull with shaking his/my reasons for isolating.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am not carefull with shaking the reasons for isolating when somebody become angry.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to ask myself if I did go 'too far' when somebody is strongly reacting when the reasons for isolating are getting shaked.
The shaking of my body, the reasons for isolating were getting shaked.
Shaken Alive.
donderdag 3 november 2011
dinsdag 1 november 2011
hushing
Yesterday I placed some links on the prikbord from two facebookfriends that I used to be with when I was younger.
With one I had some email communication, I wrote about my/the proces within desteni.
This morning I placed the links of the film Home and the equal moneysystem.
I was happy with this.
I read some conversation on Sylvies prikbord where she got blocked, and where the person was really demolishing desteni. And I became scared.
What am I scared of?
It has something to do with having doubts. Having doubts that everything I am standing up in seems not to be true. There it is again. True, waar, merchandise, handelswaar.
The self-forgiveness on this and the changing of the word true into real didnot really relieve me from the fear.
Am I having doubts about this question within myself when I am reading articles, writing blogs, breathing, applying self-forgiveness? No.
The doubts are coming up in situations like this, when I speak about it (speak about is not speaking as), to people who are sceptic about desteni. So sceptic about self, about life.
And if I am having doubts about speaking about destini, than I am having doubts about speaking about myself. I am speaking about desteni so speaking about myself, which is not speaking as myself.
I am having doubts about myself, about the question if I am true, replaced by real.
So, I am having doubts about the question if I am real.
Which brings me to the point of death.
If I am having doubts about the question if I am real
-why is this a question? I have never seen my rabbits having doubts about being real or not-
than I am having doubts about the question if I can really live.
If I willnot die.
If I willnot die when my mind dies.
If I willnot die when other people attack me as the mind.
Scared to death.
Last year the point coming up was scare of loosing.
This year the point coming up is scare to death.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to death.
If I stop with the attack as mind of the mind inside myself, the reflection outside will also stop.
Which brings me back to myself.
What am I scared of? That I die when I as mind attack myself as mind?
That I kill myself? Rather killing myself than stand up and speaking as myself?
Is this why people commit suicide?
So, because I am scared to speak up as myself because I am scared that the other person will kill me, I rather kill myself than standing up as myself and take the risk.
This is a huge point which I am experiencing already for a long long time.
Everyone is scared for the same thing.
Which brings me to the point of hushing.
Hushing each other, make each other calm, which actually is to silence each other.
Don't speak up; when you speak up you got killed. Rather kill yourself by silencing!
Because this is what happens. When we silence ourself out of fear to be killed, we kill ourselves by silencing ourselfves.
We stop speaking words as self.
We stop speaking Living Words, which is equal and one as ourselves.
We stop, we silence ourselves as Self, which is actually killing ourselves as Life.
We kill Life and become a robot, speaking as the mind and being scared (=mind) constantly, instead of being constant as Self.
Hushing each other because if one starts speaking up, than we all have to see what we allowed ourselves to.
We allowed ourselves to kill ourselves as Life, to kill Life.
Which makes us all murderers, murderers of life.
Which will give a huge feeling of quilt, which we have to forgive ourselves.
And the ones who do the murder outside in society we lock up in jail and we judge them.
But we don't judge them, it's a projection; we judge ourselves.
For killing ourselves as Life, for not speaking up as Self.
Is there anyone left who doesnot know what self-hate is as a consequence of allowing ourselves to do this?
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to silence myself for such a long time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hate myself for silencing myself out of fear for the reaction of other people if I speak up, out of fear to be killed by other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have doubts about being alive as self as Breath as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let define my whole life by having these doubts.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to kill the life inside myself by remaining in silence all the time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to build up resistance for speaking words.
The mind is turning around everything.
So thinking to be killed when I speak up, the opposite will happen:
I become more Alive.
This is what I experienced when I did speak up and I got reactions from the ego.
It 'proved' me to be real.
So with speaking up as myself I will prove myself that I am real.
I prove myself that I will not die by speaking up as myself.
With one I had some email communication, I wrote about my/the proces within desteni.
This morning I placed the links of the film Home and the equal moneysystem.
I was happy with this.
I read some conversation on Sylvies prikbord where she got blocked, and where the person was really demolishing desteni. And I became scared.
What am I scared of?
It has something to do with having doubts. Having doubts that everything I am standing up in seems not to be true. There it is again. True, waar, merchandise, handelswaar.
The self-forgiveness on this and the changing of the word true into real didnot really relieve me from the fear.
Am I having doubts about this question within myself when I am reading articles, writing blogs, breathing, applying self-forgiveness? No.
The doubts are coming up in situations like this, when I speak about it (speak about is not speaking as), to people who are sceptic about desteni. So sceptic about self, about life.
And if I am having doubts about speaking about destini, than I am having doubts about speaking about myself. I am speaking about desteni so speaking about myself, which is not speaking as myself.
I am having doubts about myself, about the question if I am true, replaced by real.
So, I am having doubts about the question if I am real.
Which brings me to the point of death.
If I am having doubts about the question if I am real
-why is this a question? I have never seen my rabbits having doubts about being real or not-
than I am having doubts about the question if I can really live.
If I willnot die.
If I willnot die when my mind dies.
If I willnot die when other people attack me as the mind.
Scared to death.
Last year the point coming up was scare of loosing.
This year the point coming up is scare to death.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to death.
If I stop with the attack as mind of the mind inside myself, the reflection outside will also stop.
Which brings me back to myself.
What am I scared of? That I die when I as mind attack myself as mind?
That I kill myself? Rather killing myself than stand up and speaking as myself?
Is this why people commit suicide?
So, because I am scared to speak up as myself because I am scared that the other person will kill me, I rather kill myself than standing up as myself and take the risk.
This is a huge point which I am experiencing already for a long long time.
Everyone is scared for the same thing.
Which brings me to the point of hushing.
Hushing each other, make each other calm, which actually is to silence each other.
Don't speak up; when you speak up you got killed. Rather kill yourself by silencing!
Because this is what happens. When we silence ourself out of fear to be killed, we kill ourselves by silencing ourselfves.
We stop speaking words as self.
We stop speaking Living Words, which is equal and one as ourselves.
We stop, we silence ourselves as Self, which is actually killing ourselves as Life.
We kill Life and become a robot, speaking as the mind and being scared (=mind) constantly, instead of being constant as Self.
Hushing each other because if one starts speaking up, than we all have to see what we allowed ourselves to.
We allowed ourselves to kill ourselves as Life, to kill Life.
Which makes us all murderers, murderers of life.
Which will give a huge feeling of quilt, which we have to forgive ourselves.
And the ones who do the murder outside in society we lock up in jail and we judge them.
But we don't judge them, it's a projection; we judge ourselves.
For killing ourselves as Life, for not speaking up as Self.
Is there anyone left who doesnot know what self-hate is as a consequence of allowing ourselves to do this?
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to silence myself for such a long time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hate myself for silencing myself out of fear for the reaction of other people if I speak up, out of fear to be killed by other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have doubts about being alive as self as Breath as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let define my whole life by having these doubts.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to kill the life inside myself by remaining in silence all the time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to build up resistance for speaking words.
The mind is turning around everything.
So thinking to be killed when I speak up, the opposite will happen:
I become more Alive.
This is what I experienced when I did speak up and I got reactions from the ego.
It 'proved' me to be real.
So with speaking up as myself I will prove myself that I am real.
I prove myself that I will not die by speaking up as myself.
email-communication
Communication on email about what I and we stand as/in within Desteni.
This writing is supporting myself to stand up one and equal as Self and within this equal and one as the person I write with. To see what words I am writing to stop the inequality that I read in words of the mind and to replace these words through words that are equal and one as All Life, without placing myself bigger or smaller than the person I communicate with or without placing myself bigger or smaller than the mind.
It's a practise to see into words, to see the difference between system words and living words and to use living words. And it's a practise to become more constant without being dependent on the opinion of other people and the mind in general, included myself :-).
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to speak up as equal and one as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to having doubts as 'what if what I am speaking about seems not to be 'true'?'
What actally means, what if I seem not to be 'true'?
I am not true-waar, I am no merchandise, handelswaar.
I am real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think that I have to be true, instead of seeing that I as Self am real as Life as The Living Words.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to stop the respect for each different mindidea by keeping my mouth shut, to stop equality in and as the mind, and to start to speak up in respect for All Life.
N. 14 oktober 14:50
hi Ingrid, dat is een tijd geleden, ik zie dat je een bijzonder pad aan het belopen bent. Wens jou daarbij veel kracht, een harte groet , N.
N. 19 oktober 14:07
ik was hier vandaag, heel mooi. dat lastige ego altijd... ben jij ook niet in India geweest? x
Ingrid Schaefer 20 oktober 12:57
Hoi N.. Leuk je hier te 'zien' :-). Ja ik ben inderdaad in India geweest, toen ik 30 werd. 8 jaar geleden. Het ego. Of the mind. Die te stoppen om een en gelijk als onsZelf als de Adem als Alle Leven te worden. Iets wat we nog nooit zijn geweest. Dat is dit 'pad' of proces. Groetjes! Ingrid
N. 25 oktober 13:32
Hi Ingrid,
Ook fijn om jou hier te zien!
Ik denk dat zolang je ademt op deze aarde je ego bij je hoort, het maakt deel uit van ons Zijn, in essentie zijn wij pure liefde, dat zijn we alleen vergeten...
Net als jij sta ik ook midden in een proces waarbij ik zoek naar verdieping en wijze lessen. Doe een opleiding Vrouw en Kracht bij schrijfster en sjamane Barbara Driessen, ook een pittige kruidenvrouw :-)
.En heb gisteravond, samen met Michele een prachtige ceremonie bijgewoond met Inca sjamanen uit Peru. Respect voor Pachamama, moeder Aarde, een prachtige lichte energie.
Dat gezegd hebbende, ik was vandaag met T en J bij de promotie van L, ze heeft het super goed gedaan!
in munay, N.
''Everything in the universe has rhythm. Everything dances.''
Maya Angelou
Ingrid Schaefer 26 oktober 3:38
Hoi N,
Ja was het leuk bij L? Tof.
We denken dat het ego bij ons hoort, en doordat we dat denken (zoals je zelf ook schrijft) is dat ook nog zo.
We hebben dit allemaal altijd gedacht. Dat we de mind (gedachtens gevoelens emoties) zijn.
we zijn hier als het ware mee gefuseerd.
Dus....we hebben nog nooit geademd, geleefd een en gelijk als de Adem als onsZelf.
Altijd was het leven een en gelijk als de mind (ego).
Mind, ego, is altijd opgebouwd uit polariteit. ieder van ons kan dit in zichzelf zien; gedachtes gevoelens en emoties zijn altijd opgebouwd uit polariteit, altijd.
Dit geeft reactie binenin ons (die we vaak projecteren in de buitenwereld en daarom zien we niet dat het onze eigen reacties zijn).
Alles wat we zeggen of niet zeggen maar denken over of voelen door/voor de ander, vanuit de mind, gaat dus over onszelf, over wat we over onszelf denken en voelen. Dit laat zien waar we ons van onszelf hebben afgescheiden.
deze reacties genereren energie, de zogenaamde energie waar iedereen over spreekt. Die dus niet zo tof is want alles valt hierdoor uit elkaar.
"to fall apart". Apartheid.
Vandaar dat ik het proces gestart ben dit te stoppen. ik moet dit stoppen in mezelf, en uiteindelijk zal iedereen dit moeten doen, vroeg of laat.
In dit leven, of 'na de dood'. Geen 'gemakkelijk klusje' natuurlijk, het duurt minimaal 7 jaar.
Om een en gelijk te worden als het Zelf als de Adem, als Alle Leven, in gelijkheid. Inderdaad iets wat we vergeten zijn of eigenlijk nog nooit geweest zijn in het fysiek dus hier op aarde. We hebben heeeeel lang in cirkeltjes rondgedraaid als de mind, incarnatie na incarnatie.
Leven/spreken vanuit de mind, het ego, geeft altijd ongelijkheid, verdeeldheid, hoe goed (=polariteit) het ook bedoeld is.
Het creeert altijd ergens in de wereld en ergens in jezelf de tegenpool, want de tegenpolen zijn onlosmakelijk aan elkaar verbonden.
Het vergroten/versterken van de een geeft vergroting/versterking van de ander, of we het nu zo bedoelen of niet.
Het denken blijft een functie houden als 'gezond verstand'.
gedachtes gevoelens en emoties zullen gestopt worden, waarmee alle reacties dus oordelen dus ongelijkheid zal stoppen.
op dit moment zijn we allemaal verslaafd aan gedachtes gevoelens en emoties. het is wat ons beweegt op dit moment.
Sinds kort kan ik dit zien in mezelf.
We bewegen dus als de mind en niet als onszelf.
Vandaar dat het ego laat 'denken' dat we niet zonder ego/mind kunnen leven. we denken dan dat we dood gaan, dat we niet meer kunnen bewegen. Maar we gaan niet dood, het ego, de mind stopt, gaat dus 'dood'. En dat 'wil' het ego/de mind natuurlijk niet .
En ja, dit gaat dus ook over mezelf. Het zijn Principes van Gelijkheid.
Alles is in iedereen aanwezig.
Veel woorden worden door elkaar gebruikt, oude systeemwoorden en nieuwe levende woorden.
Met de woorden die we spreken creeren we, 'God is het Levende Woord".
Als we dus woorden, reacties vanuit de mind uitspreken creeren we de mind = polariteit in de wereld.
Vandaar dat dit gestopt moet worden, het uitspreken van gedachtes, gevoelens en emoties, van reacties.
Maar om de mind te kunnen stoppen moeten we deze eerst kunnen zien natuurlijk.
We kunnen ze uitschrijven.
In de woorden die ik schrijf zie ik mezelf weerspiegeld .
Daarom is het vele schrijven ondersteunend, op facebook, in blogs, maar ook in een email zoals deze.
Als ik mezelf zie kan ik mezelf als mind vergeven waar ik mezelf heb afgescheiden van mezelf, waar ik polariteit gecreeerd en/of toegestaan heb, in mezelf en in de wereld, want ik ben/wij zijn immers de wereld.
Tot het uiteindelijk Stil wordt van binnen, geen reacties, geen polariteit.
Tot we uiteindelijk kunnen spreken als Zelf, in Levende Woorden, een en gelijk als Alle Leven.
Zelfexpressie.
Geen creatie (= als mind, energie) maar expressie (= als zelf).
Wat voortbrengt een wereld in eenheid en gelijkheid van alle leven.
Dit is het desteni-i-process.
Voor gelijkheid in de wereld is tevens nodig een gelijk-geld-systeem,
http://www.equalmoneysystem.org/.
Dit samen is Desteni in het kort :-).
N. 26 Oct 2011 04:17:52 -0700
Hi Ingrid,
Je hebt het mooi verwoord, ik hoop dat je in Desteni geluk , of Stilte vind. Ik herken zeker dingen uit andere spirituale tradities, wij zijn inderdaad allemaal EEN.
Desteni geeft er wel een aparte draai aan, een gelijk geld systeem is een prachtig initiatief.
Bedoel je dat het uiteindelijke doel is helemaal te stoppen met het hebben van gedachten,een innerlijke en uiterlijke stilte, geen communicatie met anderen, een soort permanente staat van verlichting? Heavy stuff....
als het werkt voor jou... het lijkt mij zo vanaf een afstand een vrij sober en ' mannelijk' proces.
Ik stort me op de meer vrouwelijke kracht, de Godin in onszelf.
Laten we elk , met respect voor elkaars visie, de wereld mooier maken.
Als mensheid maken we een reis van de schijnbare afgescheidenheid terug naar het bewust-zijn van verbondenheid, naar eenheid met ieder en al wat leeft, met de natuur, Moeder aarde en het gehele universum.
Naar Ayni, zoals de Inca's zeggen, waarin we weer gaan leven volgens de heilige wet van wederkerigheid. Liefdevol, vanuit ons hart.
x N.
Ingrid 30-10-2011
Hoi N,
Het is de bedoeling van binnen stil te worden wat betekent geen enkele reactie als gedachte, gevoel en emotie.
Betekent niet geen communicatie :-) maar wat ik in de vorige email schreef:
Tot het uiteindelijk Stil wordt van binnen, geen reacties, geen polariteit.
Tot we uiteindelijk kunnen spreken als Zelf, in Levende Woorden, een en gelijk als Alle Leven.
Zelfexpressie.
Geen creatie (= als mind, energie) maar expressie (= als zelf).
Wat voortbrengt een wereld in eenheid en gelijkheid van alle leven.
Hoe dit zal zijn kan ik natuurlijk niet zeggen vanuit 'ervaring', want ik ben nog lang niet stil van binnen!
Het is zeker geen permanente staat van verlichting. Verlichting bestaat niet, is niet echt. Dit is een illusie die in het leven geroepen is door 'Het Witte Licht'.
Het Witte Licht is dat wat altijd als God (Goed) werd beschouwd maar wat ons allen tot slaaf heeft gemaakt in de mind. Dit is verwijderd in de dimensies.
We zijn allemaal voor het lapje gehouden door te 'geloven' dat we verlichting moesten bereiken en door te ervaren dat niemend dit werkelijk kon bereiken.
Het gaat niet om verlichting (is een en gelijk zijn als 'het Witte Licht' wat niet echt is);
Het gaat om Gewaarzijn, Hier zijn, onszelf geboren laten worden in het fysiek.
Net als dieren, die zijn gewaar, die zijn Hier aanwezig, die hebben geen mind dus geen oordeel.
'Heavy stuff' is hoe de wereld er op dit moment voor staat, totale ongelijkheid, gecreeerd door de mind welke zich altijd uitdrukt in polariteit.
En dat hebben we met z'n allen zo toegestaan en gecreeerd.
Dit maakt het proces 'Heavy". Alles inzien wat we zelf hebben toegestaan.
Alle lelijkheid in onszelf onder ogen zien. Zolang we die niet in willen/kunnen zien kan er niets veranderen.
Het lijkt misschien een 'mannelijk' proces, dat komt wrschl omdat de emoties en gevoelens uit de woorden worden gehaald.
Gevoelens en emoties worden als 'vrouwelijk' gezien.
Echter, gedachtes worden er ook uit gehaald, en deze worden als mannelijk gezien.
Het wordt/is dus niet mannelijk of vrouwelijk, het is gelijk.
Hoe jij het ervaart zegt iets over jou. Iets als mannelijk of vrouwelijk zien of ervaren.
(Dit is geen oordeel! Op deze manier kun je in je eigen woorden zien wie je op dit moment bent).
Waarschijnlijk moet het vrouwelijke van binnen gelijk worden als het mannelijke waarbij het proces van 'de Godin in jezelf' je ondersteunt?
Dit is natuurlijk een grote ongelijkheid die ontstaan is in de wereld en die ik zeker in mezelf zie.
We gaan inderdaad de afgescheidenheid in onszelf (en daarmee uiteindelijk in de wereld) stoppen.
Maar het wordt geen verbondenheid in bewustzijn; en we gaan ook zeker niet terug naar 'bewustzijn van verbondenheid'.
Bewustzijn = mind = polariteit,
-van verbondenheid- geeft mind-verbinding, verbinding in-als de mind.
We gaan het bewustzijn en de verbinding in/als de mind juist stoppen om een en gelijk als onszelf als het Leven als Alle leven te worden.
Dit is iets wat we nog nooit geweest zijn op aarde, dus terug kunnen we zeker niet.
Terug betekent altijd terug in de mind.
Desteni geeft geen 'aparte' draai (= apartheid), desteni stopt de apartheid/afgescheidenheid.
Desteni geeft geen 'draai', de enige die draaien geeft is de mind!
De enige manier om ongelijkheid te stoppen is door een gelijk-geld-systeem in te voeren (dus ongelijkheid in geld en kansen te stoppen).
Alle ongelijkheid in de wereld komt voor uit geld. Alles wordt 'in waarde' (= geld) geschat.
Dit maakt dat we zijn gaan overleven. Alle 'zorgen' komen voort uit 'zorgen voor geld' (is zorgen voor eten/overleven).
(De mind keert alles om; Alles wat we ooit gekend hebben gaat stoppen).
Volgens mij wil jij hetzelfde worden (natuurlijk, dit willen we uiteindelijk allemaal :-) ),
maar door de woorden als bewustzijn, verlichting, mannelijk, vrouwelijk te gebruiken blijf je de mind voeden.
Het zijn allemaal woorden van/als de mind, dus voedt je de mind.
Dit is wat ik bedoel met dat er veel oude (systeem) en nieuwe levende woorden door elkaar heen worden gebruikt.
Woorden creeren, drukken uit die we zijn.
Op dit moment kunnen we eigenlijk alleen maar alles stoppen in onszelf; pas dan kunnen we gaan zien wie we zijn, als mind en als zelf.
Respect voor visie is respect voor de mind van iemand.
Dit houdt de mind in stand, dit is 'het toestaan' van 'verschillende visies' is ongelijkheid want vanuit de mind.
(Hiermee bedoel ik niet dat ik 'jouw visie' veroordeel!! Jouw 'visie' is ook gelijk in mij aanwezig, alles is in iedereen aanwezig)
Ik ga ondersteunen dat wat het beste is voor alles en iedereen, voor alle leven, en dat is niet de mind.
Dat is de mind (en dus de woorden van de mind) stoppen.
(Dit kan behoorlijk 'bot' overkomen, omdat we gewend zijn elkaar volkomen 'vrij' te laten in elkaars mind-visie en uitspraken.
Dit stoppen is 'vrij bot' .
Datgene wat ik niet meer in mezelf toesta als ongelijkheid kan ik uiteindelijk ook niet meer in anderen toestaan.
Nogmaals, stoppen is niet veroordelen! Het is juist gaan staan in gelijkheid in/als mezelf en daarmee als de ander).
Ik had een tijd terug van J. begrepen dat M. wat overlevings-voorzorgsmaatregelen had genomen voor als er een ramp gaat gebeuren?
(Corrigeer deze woorden van me als ze niet benoemen hoe het is!).
Ik ben hier een aantal jaar terug mee bezig geweest. Ivar had er veel over gepraat, en toen hij weg was heb ik op zolder wat eten en water en eten voor de dieren en een tas ingepakt voor vertrek. Ik had natuurlijk geen auto :-) .
Een ramp die voortkomt vanuit het weer of een oorlog? Ik was hier in het lage Zegveld 'bang' voor een eventuele overstroming.
Het weer en oorlog is een reflectie van de innerlijke stormen en oorlog van iedereen over de hele wereld.
Ontstaan door de frictie, wrijving, aanval en verdediging van de polariteiten welke altijd aanwezig zijn in/als de mind.
De enige manier om dit echt te stoppen is door de innerlijke stormen en oorlog te stoppen;
door alle reacties in en als de mind (gedachtes gevoelens emoties) te stoppen.
(en praktische voorzorgsmaatregelen kan natuurlijk ondersteunen in het stoppen van de angst/zorgen hiervoor).
Dit geldt ook voor de positieve (gevoels)pool: liefde (tegenover haat), goedheid (tegenover slechtheid) etc.
Het bevorderen van een positieve pool geeft altijd een versterking van de gekoppelde negatieve pool ergens in de wereld en/of in onszelf.
We kunnen de wereld dus niet 'mooier' maken. Hiermee maken we het tegelijkertijd 'lelijker', in dezelfde mate.
We kunnen dit 'mooi en lelijk' inzien en stoppen in onszelf.
Het is niet nodig liefde te creeren. Hiermee wordt in gelijke mate haat gecreeerd. Dit gaan we juist stoppen.
Dieren creeren ook geen liefde of schoonheid (want hebben geen mind).
Leven gelijk en een als het zelf als alle leven is wat zij zijn.
(Misschien is dit wat jij als Liefde benoemt? Liefde als Leven als Gewaarzijn?)
Dit is het enige wat constant is, een en gelijk. En wat dus eenheid en gelijkheid voortbrengt.
Veel plezier in het proces en zo ook ik,
xx Ingrid
This writing is supporting myself to stand up one and equal as Self and within this equal and one as the person I write with. To see what words I am writing to stop the inequality that I read in words of the mind and to replace these words through words that are equal and one as All Life, without placing myself bigger or smaller than the person I communicate with or without placing myself bigger or smaller than the mind.
It's a practise to see into words, to see the difference between system words and living words and to use living words. And it's a practise to become more constant without being dependent on the opinion of other people and the mind in general, included myself :-).
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to speak up as equal and one as myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to having doubts as 'what if what I am speaking about seems not to be 'true'?'
What actally means, what if I seem not to be 'true'?
I am not true-waar, I am no merchandise, handelswaar.
I am real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to think that I have to be true, instead of seeing that I as Self am real as Life as The Living Words.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to stop the respect for each different mindidea by keeping my mouth shut, to stop equality in and as the mind, and to start to speak up in respect for All Life.
N. 14 oktober 14:50
hi Ingrid, dat is een tijd geleden, ik zie dat je een bijzonder pad aan het belopen bent. Wens jou daarbij veel kracht, een harte groet , N.
N. 19 oktober 14:07
ik was hier vandaag, heel mooi. dat lastige ego altijd... ben jij ook niet in India geweest? x
Ingrid Schaefer 20 oktober 12:57
Hoi N.. Leuk je hier te 'zien' :-). Ja ik ben inderdaad in India geweest, toen ik 30 werd. 8 jaar geleden. Het ego. Of the mind. Die te stoppen om een en gelijk als onsZelf als de Adem als Alle Leven te worden. Iets wat we nog nooit zijn geweest. Dat is dit 'pad' of proces. Groetjes! Ingrid
N. 25 oktober 13:32
Hi Ingrid,
Ook fijn om jou hier te zien!
Ik denk dat zolang je ademt op deze aarde je ego bij je hoort, het maakt deel uit van ons Zijn, in essentie zijn wij pure liefde, dat zijn we alleen vergeten...
Net als jij sta ik ook midden in een proces waarbij ik zoek naar verdieping en wijze lessen. Doe een opleiding Vrouw en Kracht bij schrijfster en sjamane Barbara Driessen, ook een pittige kruidenvrouw :-)
.En heb gisteravond, samen met Michele een prachtige ceremonie bijgewoond met Inca sjamanen uit Peru. Respect voor Pachamama, moeder Aarde, een prachtige lichte energie.
Dat gezegd hebbende, ik was vandaag met T en J bij de promotie van L, ze heeft het super goed gedaan!
in munay, N.
''Everything in the universe has rhythm. Everything dances.''
Maya Angelou
Ingrid Schaefer 26 oktober 3:38
Hoi N,
Ja was het leuk bij L? Tof.
We denken dat het ego bij ons hoort, en doordat we dat denken (zoals je zelf ook schrijft) is dat ook nog zo.
We hebben dit allemaal altijd gedacht. Dat we de mind (gedachtens gevoelens emoties) zijn.
we zijn hier als het ware mee gefuseerd.
Dus....we hebben nog nooit geademd, geleefd een en gelijk als de Adem als onsZelf.
Altijd was het leven een en gelijk als de mind (ego).
Mind, ego, is altijd opgebouwd uit polariteit. ieder van ons kan dit in zichzelf zien; gedachtes gevoelens en emoties zijn altijd opgebouwd uit polariteit, altijd.
Dit geeft reactie binenin ons (die we vaak projecteren in de buitenwereld en daarom zien we niet dat het onze eigen reacties zijn).
Alles wat we zeggen of niet zeggen maar denken over of voelen door/voor de ander, vanuit de mind, gaat dus over onszelf, over wat we over onszelf denken en voelen. Dit laat zien waar we ons van onszelf hebben afgescheiden.
deze reacties genereren energie, de zogenaamde energie waar iedereen over spreekt. Die dus niet zo tof is want alles valt hierdoor uit elkaar.
"to fall apart". Apartheid.
Vandaar dat ik het proces gestart ben dit te stoppen. ik moet dit stoppen in mezelf, en uiteindelijk zal iedereen dit moeten doen, vroeg of laat.
In dit leven, of 'na de dood'. Geen 'gemakkelijk klusje' natuurlijk, het duurt minimaal 7 jaar.
Om een en gelijk te worden als het Zelf als de Adem, als Alle Leven, in gelijkheid. Inderdaad iets wat we vergeten zijn of eigenlijk nog nooit geweest zijn in het fysiek dus hier op aarde. We hebben heeeeel lang in cirkeltjes rondgedraaid als de mind, incarnatie na incarnatie.
Leven/spreken vanuit de mind, het ego, geeft altijd ongelijkheid, verdeeldheid, hoe goed (=polariteit) het ook bedoeld is.
Het creeert altijd ergens in de wereld en ergens in jezelf de tegenpool, want de tegenpolen zijn onlosmakelijk aan elkaar verbonden.
Het vergroten/versterken van de een geeft vergroting/versterking van de ander, of we het nu zo bedoelen of niet.
Het denken blijft een functie houden als 'gezond verstand'.
gedachtes gevoelens en emoties zullen gestopt worden, waarmee alle reacties dus oordelen dus ongelijkheid zal stoppen.
op dit moment zijn we allemaal verslaafd aan gedachtes gevoelens en emoties. het is wat ons beweegt op dit moment.
Sinds kort kan ik dit zien in mezelf.
We bewegen dus als de mind en niet als onszelf.
Vandaar dat het ego laat 'denken' dat we niet zonder ego/mind kunnen leven. we denken dan dat we dood gaan, dat we niet meer kunnen bewegen. Maar we gaan niet dood, het ego, de mind stopt, gaat dus 'dood'. En dat 'wil' het ego/de mind natuurlijk niet .
En ja, dit gaat dus ook over mezelf. Het zijn Principes van Gelijkheid.
Alles is in iedereen aanwezig.
Veel woorden worden door elkaar gebruikt, oude systeemwoorden en nieuwe levende woorden.
Met de woorden die we spreken creeren we, 'God is het Levende Woord".
Als we dus woorden, reacties vanuit de mind uitspreken creeren we de mind = polariteit in de wereld.
Vandaar dat dit gestopt moet worden, het uitspreken van gedachtes, gevoelens en emoties, van reacties.
Maar om de mind te kunnen stoppen moeten we deze eerst kunnen zien natuurlijk.
We kunnen ze uitschrijven.
In de woorden die ik schrijf zie ik mezelf weerspiegeld .
Daarom is het vele schrijven ondersteunend, op facebook, in blogs, maar ook in een email zoals deze.
Als ik mezelf zie kan ik mezelf als mind vergeven waar ik mezelf heb afgescheiden van mezelf, waar ik polariteit gecreeerd en/of toegestaan heb, in mezelf en in de wereld, want ik ben/wij zijn immers de wereld.
Tot het uiteindelijk Stil wordt van binnen, geen reacties, geen polariteit.
Tot we uiteindelijk kunnen spreken als Zelf, in Levende Woorden, een en gelijk als Alle Leven.
Zelfexpressie.
Geen creatie (= als mind, energie) maar expressie (= als zelf).
Wat voortbrengt een wereld in eenheid en gelijkheid van alle leven.
Dit is het desteni-i-process.
Voor gelijkheid in de wereld is tevens nodig een gelijk-geld-systeem,
http://www.equalmoneysystem.org/.
Dit samen is Desteni in het kort :-).
N. 26 Oct 2011 04:17:52 -0700
Hi Ingrid,
Je hebt het mooi verwoord, ik hoop dat je in Desteni geluk , of Stilte vind. Ik herken zeker dingen uit andere spirituale tradities, wij zijn inderdaad allemaal EEN.
Desteni geeft er wel een aparte draai aan, een gelijk geld systeem is een prachtig initiatief.
Bedoel je dat het uiteindelijke doel is helemaal te stoppen met het hebben van gedachten,een innerlijke en uiterlijke stilte, geen communicatie met anderen, een soort permanente staat van verlichting? Heavy stuff....
als het werkt voor jou... het lijkt mij zo vanaf een afstand een vrij sober en ' mannelijk' proces.
Ik stort me op de meer vrouwelijke kracht, de Godin in onszelf.
Laten we elk , met respect voor elkaars visie, de wereld mooier maken.
Als mensheid maken we een reis van de schijnbare afgescheidenheid terug naar het bewust-zijn van verbondenheid, naar eenheid met ieder en al wat leeft, met de natuur, Moeder aarde en het gehele universum.
Naar Ayni, zoals de Inca's zeggen, waarin we weer gaan leven volgens de heilige wet van wederkerigheid. Liefdevol, vanuit ons hart.
x N.
Ingrid 30-10-2011
Hoi N,
Het is de bedoeling van binnen stil te worden wat betekent geen enkele reactie als gedachte, gevoel en emotie.
Betekent niet geen communicatie :-) maar wat ik in de vorige email schreef:
Tot het uiteindelijk Stil wordt van binnen, geen reacties, geen polariteit.
Tot we uiteindelijk kunnen spreken als Zelf, in Levende Woorden, een en gelijk als Alle Leven.
Zelfexpressie.
Geen creatie (= als mind, energie) maar expressie (= als zelf).
Wat voortbrengt een wereld in eenheid en gelijkheid van alle leven.
Hoe dit zal zijn kan ik natuurlijk niet zeggen vanuit 'ervaring', want ik ben nog lang niet stil van binnen!
Het is zeker geen permanente staat van verlichting. Verlichting bestaat niet, is niet echt. Dit is een illusie die in het leven geroepen is door 'Het Witte Licht'.
Het Witte Licht is dat wat altijd als God (Goed) werd beschouwd maar wat ons allen tot slaaf heeft gemaakt in de mind. Dit is verwijderd in de dimensies.
We zijn allemaal voor het lapje gehouden door te 'geloven' dat we verlichting moesten bereiken en door te ervaren dat niemend dit werkelijk kon bereiken.
Het gaat niet om verlichting (is een en gelijk zijn als 'het Witte Licht' wat niet echt is);
Het gaat om Gewaarzijn, Hier zijn, onszelf geboren laten worden in het fysiek.
Net als dieren, die zijn gewaar, die zijn Hier aanwezig, die hebben geen mind dus geen oordeel.
'Heavy stuff' is hoe de wereld er op dit moment voor staat, totale ongelijkheid, gecreeerd door de mind welke zich altijd uitdrukt in polariteit.
En dat hebben we met z'n allen zo toegestaan en gecreeerd.
Dit maakt het proces 'Heavy". Alles inzien wat we zelf hebben toegestaan.
Alle lelijkheid in onszelf onder ogen zien. Zolang we die niet in willen/kunnen zien kan er niets veranderen.
Het lijkt misschien een 'mannelijk' proces, dat komt wrschl omdat de emoties en gevoelens uit de woorden worden gehaald.
Gevoelens en emoties worden als 'vrouwelijk' gezien.
Echter, gedachtes worden er ook uit gehaald, en deze worden als mannelijk gezien.
Het wordt/is dus niet mannelijk of vrouwelijk, het is gelijk.
Hoe jij het ervaart zegt iets over jou. Iets als mannelijk of vrouwelijk zien of ervaren.
(Dit is geen oordeel! Op deze manier kun je in je eigen woorden zien wie je op dit moment bent).
Waarschijnlijk moet het vrouwelijke van binnen gelijk worden als het mannelijke waarbij het proces van 'de Godin in jezelf' je ondersteunt?
Dit is natuurlijk een grote ongelijkheid die ontstaan is in de wereld en die ik zeker in mezelf zie.
We gaan inderdaad de afgescheidenheid in onszelf (en daarmee uiteindelijk in de wereld) stoppen.
Maar het wordt geen verbondenheid in bewustzijn; en we gaan ook zeker niet terug naar 'bewustzijn van verbondenheid'.
Bewustzijn = mind = polariteit,
-van verbondenheid- geeft mind-verbinding, verbinding in-als de mind.
We gaan het bewustzijn en de verbinding in/als de mind juist stoppen om een en gelijk als onszelf als het Leven als Alle leven te worden.
Dit is iets wat we nog nooit geweest zijn op aarde, dus terug kunnen we zeker niet.
Terug betekent altijd terug in de mind.
Desteni geeft geen 'aparte' draai (= apartheid), desteni stopt de apartheid/afgescheidenheid.
Desteni geeft geen 'draai', de enige die draaien geeft is de mind!
De enige manier om ongelijkheid te stoppen is door een gelijk-geld-systeem in te voeren (dus ongelijkheid in geld en kansen te stoppen).
Alle ongelijkheid in de wereld komt voor uit geld. Alles wordt 'in waarde' (= geld) geschat.
Dit maakt dat we zijn gaan overleven. Alle 'zorgen' komen voort uit 'zorgen voor geld' (is zorgen voor eten/overleven).
(De mind keert alles om; Alles wat we ooit gekend hebben gaat stoppen).
Volgens mij wil jij hetzelfde worden (natuurlijk, dit willen we uiteindelijk allemaal :-) ),
maar door de woorden als bewustzijn, verlichting, mannelijk, vrouwelijk te gebruiken blijf je de mind voeden.
Het zijn allemaal woorden van/als de mind, dus voedt je de mind.
Dit is wat ik bedoel met dat er veel oude (systeem) en nieuwe levende woorden door elkaar heen worden gebruikt.
Woorden creeren, drukken uit die we zijn.
Op dit moment kunnen we eigenlijk alleen maar alles stoppen in onszelf; pas dan kunnen we gaan zien wie we zijn, als mind en als zelf.
Respect voor visie is respect voor de mind van iemand.
Dit houdt de mind in stand, dit is 'het toestaan' van 'verschillende visies' is ongelijkheid want vanuit de mind.
(Hiermee bedoel ik niet dat ik 'jouw visie' veroordeel!! Jouw 'visie' is ook gelijk in mij aanwezig, alles is in iedereen aanwezig)
Ik ga ondersteunen dat wat het beste is voor alles en iedereen, voor alle leven, en dat is niet de mind.
Dat is de mind (en dus de woorden van de mind) stoppen.
(Dit kan behoorlijk 'bot' overkomen, omdat we gewend zijn elkaar volkomen 'vrij' te laten in elkaars mind-visie en uitspraken.
Dit stoppen is 'vrij bot' .
Datgene wat ik niet meer in mezelf toesta als ongelijkheid kan ik uiteindelijk ook niet meer in anderen toestaan.
Nogmaals, stoppen is niet veroordelen! Het is juist gaan staan in gelijkheid in/als mezelf en daarmee als de ander).
Ik had een tijd terug van J. begrepen dat M. wat overlevings-voorzorgsmaatregelen had genomen voor als er een ramp gaat gebeuren?
(Corrigeer deze woorden van me als ze niet benoemen hoe het is!).
Ik ben hier een aantal jaar terug mee bezig geweest. Ivar had er veel over gepraat, en toen hij weg was heb ik op zolder wat eten en water en eten voor de dieren en een tas ingepakt voor vertrek. Ik had natuurlijk geen auto :-) .
Een ramp die voortkomt vanuit het weer of een oorlog? Ik was hier in het lage Zegveld 'bang' voor een eventuele overstroming.
Het weer en oorlog is een reflectie van de innerlijke stormen en oorlog van iedereen over de hele wereld.
Ontstaan door de frictie, wrijving, aanval en verdediging van de polariteiten welke altijd aanwezig zijn in/als de mind.
De enige manier om dit echt te stoppen is door de innerlijke stormen en oorlog te stoppen;
door alle reacties in en als de mind (gedachtes gevoelens emoties) te stoppen.
(en praktische voorzorgsmaatregelen kan natuurlijk ondersteunen in het stoppen van de angst/zorgen hiervoor).
Dit geldt ook voor de positieve (gevoels)pool: liefde (tegenover haat), goedheid (tegenover slechtheid) etc.
Het bevorderen van een positieve pool geeft altijd een versterking van de gekoppelde negatieve pool ergens in de wereld en/of in onszelf.
We kunnen de wereld dus niet 'mooier' maken. Hiermee maken we het tegelijkertijd 'lelijker', in dezelfde mate.
We kunnen dit 'mooi en lelijk' inzien en stoppen in onszelf.
Het is niet nodig liefde te creeren. Hiermee wordt in gelijke mate haat gecreeerd. Dit gaan we juist stoppen.
Dieren creeren ook geen liefde of schoonheid (want hebben geen mind).
Leven gelijk en een als het zelf als alle leven is wat zij zijn.
(Misschien is dit wat jij als Liefde benoemt? Liefde als Leven als Gewaarzijn?)
Dit is het enige wat constant is, een en gelijk. En wat dus eenheid en gelijkheid voortbrengt.
Veel plezier in het proces en zo ook ik,
xx Ingrid
vrijdag 28 oktober 2011
The Resolve
The resolve, resolution.
One resolution which seperate from myself once made, and after this I used this as a justification for every action in seperation, for every action to stay in this seperation.
There are so many justifications. The whole world is build on justifications.
I cannot see the exact point where I made this resolution, this resolve. It's hiding inside, veiled (by the white light) and ensnared and twisted (by the mind).
Yesterday I felt my intestine was letting go of the cramping, because I see that the making of a resolve is what will stiffle, what will fix everything.
Next morning I woke up in silence, maybe for the first time. I could be in breathing for a little while.
After 2 hours or something, I go to the toilet. And my intestine is completely cramped.
I don't know where this started and why this started now.
I feel betrayed, everytime again I feel betrayed by my own intestines.
Which ofcourse is not real, I feel betrayed by my own mind, by the mind.
How can a child, a little child, stop this betrayal?
We are responsable for ourselves. But as little child, how?
This I donot see, and for not seeing this, for not knowing what the hell to do with this, I pulled back.
And I am still doing this. Feeling so unsafe.
Which is not real. This I can stop. Because it is a feeling.
But if I don't see the specific moment where I made this resolve, than I can not feel save.
Because this will remain as the 'Achilles tendon'.
The unseen point where the mind can still attack me when I donot 'pay attention'.
That's something, to pay attention. So what am I doing all the time? Paying attention, I pay with attention. That's why I am so tired. For what or to who am I paying attention? Who do I pay?
We are paying with attention to each other. If you don't have money, you can pay with attention.
There it is again, paying with the illusion of attention, of conditional love.
Stuck in and as the mind, in and as attention. Atention, a tension.
Today a colleague was bringing up a dilemma with his little daughter within the same circumstances as I have experienced as a little child. He was having doubts about what to do, because his family didnot see there was something going on that was a form of abuse. I saw the point directly, it supported me to see more into this within myself and it supported him to immediately stop this situation. Only stop. Not understanding why other people were doing this or not seeing this, only stop the abuse of/as the mind.
Which is so cool, that he is gonna stop this. For himself, for the little girl, for everyone around him.
So what to do now?
I just need to stop the mind. To not allow the mind, from ourselves or from others, to abuse. Abuse of the physical, of life.
I don't need to understand why someone else is doing things or is not seeing things.
He/she has a different program which I cannot see into. Trying to see into another program will keep me busy with the mind for the rest of my life.
I also cannot turn back the clock and make things undone.
I can only stop and forgive the mind.
Is this real? Am I unsafe for the/my own mind if I donot see the Achilles tendon?
Yes and no.
Yes because the mind can attack me with something that I cannot see into, on every unexpected moment.
No because the mind is not real. How can something that is not real attack me?
Because I believe that it's real.
Ah that's still stored in the physic. In the cells of the physic.
So the believing in the mind is stored in the cells of the physic. And because of this, the physic is attacking me. I give the power to the mind which is reflecting in the physic.
It feels like there is a life, or actually 'no life' but a war inside me that I have no influence at.
Cramping-uncramping - polarity - mind.
When this happens too much too often the mind got fixed into the cramp, into the tension, into attention.
I have to deprogram the cells. So the cells become Alive. And I and the cells can be equal and one.
We are not eaqual and one at the moment. We are 'working against' each other. WAR.
I have become a victim of my own cells.
That's what I am so sad about. That's what I am exhausted by. By the WAR inside.
And this is reflecting in my outside world. Not being equal and one but isolated from each other.
Playing hide and seek. Running away as a victim.
Hiding for my own cells. Which is not possible, because it are my own cells. Directed by/as the mind.
Only one thing can stop this:
Me, standing up as mySelf.
To stop the mind. To start directing myself as Self as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to become a victim of my own cells.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to become a victum of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to be so tired, exhausted of being attacked by my own cells.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to blame my cells for attacking me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to
The self-forgivenesses are not really 'working'.
I am not moving myself, I feel myself laying back inside, hiding, doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to lay back inside, to hide inside, to do nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to feel too much a victum which had stopped the believing in something like self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to not really see how applying self-forgiveness can 'resolve' this.
??????
Resolve means a decission but also a solution and also to disappear.
Een besluit betekent een beslissing maar ook een oplossing en ook verdwijnen.
For resolution the same.
How is this possible?
Does it mean that a resolve makes you solute, disappear (in the mind)?
YES. That is experienced last sunday when I took the resolve to go to sleep 1,5 hour in the afternoon.
I completely disappeared by doing this as a resolve.
Resolve as a 'pact with the devil'?
The resolve is splitting within three.
Father, Sun, Holey Spirit.
Consiousness, Unconsiousness, subconsiousness.
(God, Leven, Mind?)
The decision makes one and equal with/as the mind. It's a decision to live one and equal as the mind. A decision to be a slave. That's why 'making decisions is not 'working'. It's alway as the mind, not as Self.
The self doesnot make decisions.
I never saw an animal making a decision, a resolve.
An animal is Living Here, in the moment.
Also a child is Living Here in every moment. Untill one day the child makes a resolve.
I made this resolve inside myself one day.
If I was old enough to make a resolve, than I was old enough to be responsable for myself, for doing this.
I am the only person who can forgive this.
This resolve gives the blockade, the blockade to the Self.
Not the curse gives this blockade to the Self; the curse gives the blockade to the white light, not to myself.
The resolve makes dependent on the white light, 'One as the White Light' through the mind.
Because we blockaded ourselves to ourselves.
Within a curse, there are two blockades, to 'God' and to Self.
Complete dependent on the mind, isolated in/as the mind.
The curse was called over by someone who was connected to 'God'.
So the curse could only be lifted by 'God', or by someone who is 'connected to God'.
I took the resolve, I blockaded myself to mySelf.
So I can 'lift' this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to attack myself as the mind instead of to forgive myself as the mind.
So far for now.
(Also a start with seeing into the mechanism of auto-immunediseases)
One resolution which seperate from myself once made, and after this I used this as a justification for every action in seperation, for every action to stay in this seperation.
There are so many justifications. The whole world is build on justifications.
I cannot see the exact point where I made this resolution, this resolve. It's hiding inside, veiled (by the white light) and ensnared and twisted (by the mind).
Yesterday I felt my intestine was letting go of the cramping, because I see that the making of a resolve is what will stiffle, what will fix everything.
Next morning I woke up in silence, maybe for the first time. I could be in breathing for a little while.
After 2 hours or something, I go to the toilet. And my intestine is completely cramped.
I don't know where this started and why this started now.
I feel betrayed, everytime again I feel betrayed by my own intestines.
Which ofcourse is not real, I feel betrayed by my own mind, by the mind.
How can a child, a little child, stop this betrayal?
We are responsable for ourselves. But as little child, how?
This I donot see, and for not seeing this, for not knowing what the hell to do with this, I pulled back.
And I am still doing this. Feeling so unsafe.
Which is not real. This I can stop. Because it is a feeling.
But if I don't see the specific moment where I made this resolve, than I can not feel save.
Because this will remain as the 'Achilles tendon'.
The unseen point where the mind can still attack me when I donot 'pay attention'.
That's something, to pay attention. So what am I doing all the time? Paying attention, I pay with attention. That's why I am so tired. For what or to who am I paying attention? Who do I pay?
We are paying with attention to each other. If you don't have money, you can pay with attention.
There it is again, paying with the illusion of attention, of conditional love.
Stuck in and as the mind, in and as attention. Atention, a tension.
Today a colleague was bringing up a dilemma with his little daughter within the same circumstances as I have experienced as a little child. He was having doubts about what to do, because his family didnot see there was something going on that was a form of abuse. I saw the point directly, it supported me to see more into this within myself and it supported him to immediately stop this situation. Only stop. Not understanding why other people were doing this or not seeing this, only stop the abuse of/as the mind.
Which is so cool, that he is gonna stop this. For himself, for the little girl, for everyone around him.
So what to do now?
I just need to stop the mind. To not allow the mind, from ourselves or from others, to abuse. Abuse of the physical, of life.
I don't need to understand why someone else is doing things or is not seeing things.
He/she has a different program which I cannot see into. Trying to see into another program will keep me busy with the mind for the rest of my life.
I also cannot turn back the clock and make things undone.
I can only stop and forgive the mind.
Is this real? Am I unsafe for the/my own mind if I donot see the Achilles tendon?
Yes and no.
Yes because the mind can attack me with something that I cannot see into, on every unexpected moment.
No because the mind is not real. How can something that is not real attack me?
Because I believe that it's real.
Ah that's still stored in the physic. In the cells of the physic.
So the believing in the mind is stored in the cells of the physic. And because of this, the physic is attacking me. I give the power to the mind which is reflecting in the physic.
It feels like there is a life, or actually 'no life' but a war inside me that I have no influence at.
Cramping-uncramping - polarity - mind.
When this happens too much too often the mind got fixed into the cramp, into the tension, into attention.
I have to deprogram the cells. So the cells become Alive. And I and the cells can be equal and one.
We are not eaqual and one at the moment. We are 'working against' each other. WAR.
I have become a victim of my own cells.
That's what I am so sad about. That's what I am exhausted by. By the WAR inside.
And this is reflecting in my outside world. Not being equal and one but isolated from each other.
Playing hide and seek. Running away as a victim.
Hiding for my own cells. Which is not possible, because it are my own cells. Directed by/as the mind.
Only one thing can stop this:
Me, standing up as mySelf.
To stop the mind. To start directing myself as Self as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to become a victim of my own cells.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to become a victum of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to be so tired, exhausted of being attacked by my own cells.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to blame my cells for attacking me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to
The self-forgivenesses are not really 'working'.
I am not moving myself, I feel myself laying back inside, hiding, doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to lay back inside, to hide inside, to do nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to feel too much a victum which had stopped the believing in something like self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepeted myself to not really see how applying self-forgiveness can 'resolve' this.
??????
Resolve means a decission but also a solution and also to disappear.
Een besluit betekent een beslissing maar ook een oplossing en ook verdwijnen.
For resolution the same.
How is this possible?
Does it mean that a resolve makes you solute, disappear (in the mind)?
YES. That is experienced last sunday when I took the resolve to go to sleep 1,5 hour in the afternoon.
I completely disappeared by doing this as a resolve.
Resolve as a 'pact with the devil'?
The resolve is splitting within three.
Father, Sun, Holey Spirit.
Consiousness, Unconsiousness, subconsiousness.
(God, Leven, Mind?)
The decision makes one and equal with/as the mind. It's a decision to live one and equal as the mind. A decision to be a slave. That's why 'making decisions is not 'working'. It's alway as the mind, not as Self.
The self doesnot make decisions.
I never saw an animal making a decision, a resolve.
An animal is Living Here, in the moment.
Also a child is Living Here in every moment. Untill one day the child makes a resolve.
I made this resolve inside myself one day.
If I was old enough to make a resolve, than I was old enough to be responsable for myself, for doing this.
I am the only person who can forgive this.
This resolve gives the blockade, the blockade to the Self.
Not the curse gives this blockade to the Self; the curse gives the blockade to the white light, not to myself.
The resolve makes dependent on the white light, 'One as the White Light' through the mind.
Because we blockaded ourselves to ourselves.
Within a curse, there are two blockades, to 'God' and to Self.
Complete dependent on the mind, isolated in/as the mind.
The curse was called over by someone who was connected to 'God'.
So the curse could only be lifted by 'God', or by someone who is 'connected to God'.
I took the resolve, I blockaded myself to mySelf.
So I can 'lift' this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to attack myself as the mind instead of to forgive myself as the mind.
So far for now.
(Also a start with seeing into the mechanism of auto-immunediseases)
dinsdag 25 oktober 2011
heaven and hell
Sex is a substitute to come into the experience to be one but keeps dependent on another person.
Sex as the mind multiplies as the mind, which makes the world fall apart.
Not one as All Life but one with one other person in and as the mind.
One woman and one man (female-energy and male-energy), plus and min in polarity, brought together which gives the experience of one.
If you don't find 'the one' than you cannot experience this oneness.
Genius - genital / geniaal - genitaal.
I experienced this myself.
After the man was running away (as I was running away inside), I letterly wrote him:
Feeling you inside me was like heaven, when you walked away after this it was like hell.
The experience of the mind as falling apart - hell.
I knew this was not true, I knew that I could be one as myself.
But knowing as the mind is not realizing but still as the mind so giving the illusion of the emotional pain of falling apart. From heaven into hell. Polarity coming forward out of polarity.
I was not one and equal as Self and he was not one and equal as Self, so we were not one and equal as self as eachother.
Seperated as a reflection of the situation inside ourselves.
Afscheiding - afscheiding / seperation - secretion in the vagina.
Why have so many woman infections of the bladder after having sex?
Bladder infection. Infection of the bladder / blaas, blowing / blazen instead of breathing.
The bladder is not breathing but blowing. It blows you away.
An infection is because of the anger. Anger gives infections.
It blows you away in anger.
Sex as me, as myself. What is that?
Breathing, only Breathing.
Become one as Breath. One as yourself as Breath as Life.
Than you don't need sex anymore.
Than you don't need a substitue for Breath, for Life, for the experience to be one.
Because you are one as Breath, as Life.
Multiply this and it becomes one as breath plus one as breath plus one as breath.
Untill we are All one as Breathing, One Breath.
Having sex equal and one as Self as Breath.
Not dependent on sexual energy. Because this doesnot exist anymore.
Not dependent on another being, no need to 'relate', to fill the empty place in the mind. Because this doesnot exist anymore.
If you are one as breath it doesnot matter if you are al-one one as breath or one as breath with another being who is one as breath. One is One.
This is as far as I can see at this moment.
I don't have to 'worry' about having sex or not having sex.
I can walk the process to become one as Breath as Life.
Into an agreement in and as myself.
Not having sex at the moment because sex will confuse me. Because I am not yet one and equal as Breath.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make worries about the question if I can or cannot and will or will not have sex anymore.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I need another person to have sex, which actually means that I need another person to breath, instead of realizing that I as Self am One as Breath as Life; as All Life.
Sex as the mind multiplies as the mind, which makes the world fall apart.
Not one as All Life but one with one other person in and as the mind.
One woman and one man (female-energy and male-energy), plus and min in polarity, brought together which gives the experience of one.
If you don't find 'the one' than you cannot experience this oneness.
Genius - genital / geniaal - genitaal.
I experienced this myself.
After the man was running away (as I was running away inside), I letterly wrote him:
Feeling you inside me was like heaven, when you walked away after this it was like hell.
The experience of the mind as falling apart - hell.
I knew this was not true, I knew that I could be one as myself.
But knowing as the mind is not realizing but still as the mind so giving the illusion of the emotional pain of falling apart. From heaven into hell. Polarity coming forward out of polarity.
I was not one and equal as Self and he was not one and equal as Self, so we were not one and equal as self as eachother.
Seperated as a reflection of the situation inside ourselves.
Afscheiding - afscheiding / seperation - secretion in the vagina.
Why have so many woman infections of the bladder after having sex?
Bladder infection. Infection of the bladder / blaas, blowing / blazen instead of breathing.
The bladder is not breathing but blowing. It blows you away.
An infection is because of the anger. Anger gives infections.
It blows you away in anger.
Sex as me, as myself. What is that?
Breathing, only Breathing.
Become one as Breath. One as yourself as Breath as Life.
Than you don't need sex anymore.
Than you don't need a substitue for Breath, for Life, for the experience to be one.
Because you are one as Breath, as Life.
Multiply this and it becomes one as breath plus one as breath plus one as breath.
Untill we are All one as Breathing, One Breath.
Having sex equal and one as Self as Breath.
Not dependent on sexual energy. Because this doesnot exist anymore.
Not dependent on another being, no need to 'relate', to fill the empty place in the mind. Because this doesnot exist anymore.
If you are one as breath it doesnot matter if you are al-one one as breath or one as breath with another being who is one as breath. One is One.
This is as far as I can see at this moment.
I don't have to 'worry' about having sex or not having sex.
I can walk the process to become one as Breath as Life.
Into an agreement in and as myself.
Not having sex at the moment because sex will confuse me. Because I am not yet one and equal as Breath.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make worries about the question if I can or cannot and will or will not have sex anymore.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I need another person to have sex, which actually means that I need another person to breath, instead of realizing that I as Self am One as Breath as Life; as All Life.
maandag 24 oktober 2011
self-forgiveness-caring
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not be carefull.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what it is to be carefull.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what Life is.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what it is to be carefull as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be so scared and scarred that I cannot be carefull as myself as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame myself for being not carefull, instead of seeing that this is the consequence of the stifling effect of the reactions on the care-taking of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to take this care-taking of the mind personally, instead of seeing that this is just the nature of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to stop breathing as a result of the self-blame, instead of seeing that I put myself on hold with doing this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to stop caring for myself by stopping breathing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to always search for a way to feel good, instead of seeing that with this I am not Here but in the mind, so with this I am not caring Life at All.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to defend myself with taking things personally and reacting personally, which is not caring for me and not caring for the other as Life at All.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become careless, indifferent, by getting stifled through my own reactions on the care-taking of another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hide this being indifferent.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be ashamed about being indifferent.
Indifferent. In the difference.
It is clear that indifference is not equal and one. It's the opposite of equal and one, which is created as reaction at the care-taking of the mind (see the blog 'I don't care').
I see how I create the tense in the large intestine. With my own reaction inside. It's really too much tensed already, so each reaction is one too much.
I stop immediately. I finally see how I created this tense inside by myself and I finally see what effect each reaction has inside.
That's why I isolated myself more and more. I could not have more reactions of myself on other people, I already had enough reactions inside from me on myself.
Reacting on anything is really not caring.
Not for the other and not for myself. It's not caring Life, it's killing, stifling Life.
(And this is what the cat was speaking about, in the blog 'a cat speaking').
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create tense inside with emotional reactions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not be caring for myself and for others by going into reactions again and again.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel panic inside when this tense is coming up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that this panic is real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on a person when the person said something 'wrong'.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on myself when I said something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on anything at all, instead of seeing that 'having the right' is of the mind and coming out of the judgementsystem.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create a judgementsystem inside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become an automatically judgementsystem.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what it is to be carefull.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what Life is.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what it is to be carefull as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be so scared and scarred that I cannot be carefull as myself as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame myself for being not carefull, instead of seeing that this is the consequence of the stifling effect of the reactions on the care-taking of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to take this care-taking of the mind personally, instead of seeing that this is just the nature of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to stop breathing as a result of the self-blame, instead of seeing that I put myself on hold with doing this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to stop caring for myself by stopping breathing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to always search for a way to feel good, instead of seeing that with this I am not Here but in the mind, so with this I am not caring Life at All.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to defend myself with taking things personally and reacting personally, which is not caring for me and not caring for the other as Life at All.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become careless, indifferent, by getting stifled through my own reactions on the care-taking of another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hide this being indifferent.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be ashamed about being indifferent.
Indifferent. In the difference.
It is clear that indifference is not equal and one. It's the opposite of equal and one, which is created as reaction at the care-taking of the mind (see the blog 'I don't care').
I see how I create the tense in the large intestine. With my own reaction inside. It's really too much tensed already, so each reaction is one too much.
I stop immediately. I finally see how I created this tense inside by myself and I finally see what effect each reaction has inside.
That's why I isolated myself more and more. I could not have more reactions of myself on other people, I already had enough reactions inside from me on myself.
Reacting on anything is really not caring.
Not for the other and not for myself. It's not caring Life, it's killing, stifling Life.
(And this is what the cat was speaking about, in the blog 'a cat speaking').
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create tense inside with emotional reactions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not be caring for myself and for others by going into reactions again and again.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel panic inside when this tense is coming up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that this panic is real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on a person when the person said something 'wrong'.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on myself when I said something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on anything at all, instead of seeing that 'having the right' is of the mind and coming out of the judgementsystem.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create a judgementsystem inside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become an automatically judgementsystem.
zondag 23 oktober 2011
care-money-love
To care is very close to worry. Making worries.
And what is the only thing that we actually really make worries about?
MONEY
This morning I could see how this had manifested in the familyline.
My grandmother was always making worries about a lot of things, and most of it about having enough money. She has lived in war with very little food.
After this, as long as I knew her, there was always enough money. More than enough. But untill she died, she didnot want for example to take a taxi for one time because she didnot know if there was enough money to do this.
I knew this patron of making worries was going on inside me, I could see it in myself. For example, I don't take a taxi for one time, also not if I have the money and must walk and hitchhike to come home.
(So you see, I prefer a 'free' taxi. Keeping the money in my pocket :-) ).
It seems a waist to me (which it is many times, but that's another point).
My mother was 'caring for' me, so actually 'caring' or worrying for herself, and my whole life I have been angry about the stifling effect that I have allowed this to have on me.
I can finally see how the worries/stifling caring of my mother are a direct consequence of the worries about having enough money. Because, what is the substitute for making worries about money?
LOVE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We have to create many relationships to make sure there is always someone who 'takes care' of us.
We must 'love' the other person to make sure that we have something to eat and a place to stay.
And within this, love can be and will be used for manipulation.
If you don't love me, I don't love you, and than you have to go away and I donot give you food/money anymore. It's your 'choice'. Your 'free choice'. uhu.
You will deny this, you will say, no, I really love you.
But we are all equal and one in this, we all have this moneysystem in our genes, and we all are still enslaved by the mind, untill we free ourselves from this. Free ourselves from the enslavement to the mind on the base of an equal moneysystem.
So the love that you are so sure about is not pure. Because there is fear for not having enough money/food if you donot love another or if the other person donot love you anymore.
Seeing into this stops being angry about it. I can forgive myself and my mother for allowing and accepting this.
"Caring only happens when there is no scare or scar" -Bernard-
http://www.equalmoneysystem.org/
I see the same thing happening in my own situation.
M. tells me from the beginning I love you I love you I love you.
And I am saying stop this, it's not real, I don't love you.
(Polarity).
I donot want a relationship with him as the situation is now, but living as roommates is actually going very well from the beginning.
I lived alone in a house where you can live in with a 4-5 person-family. On the other site of the street they live with 10 people in it (which is actually too much). He has no home here. Than what must I say, okay you have to go now because I don't love you? It's your choice?
I asked him the question very clearly, I said, I donot want a relationship. Do you still want to live here?
Immediately he said yes. And this is what I actually was seeing from the beginning but what was fuzzled: he doesnot want me, he wants a place to stay.
Does he really have a choice in this? Do I really have a choice in this without creating a lot of consequences by sending a person away because I don't love him?
How can we ever become equal when I have the possability to kick him out of the house everytime?
This is what the polish people here in Holland all are manipulated with: if they don't 'behave', which means if they don't behave like a slave, they are kicked out of job but also out of the house. And without job and house they have to go back to Polen. (How the situation there is I have no insight in but I know that they many are coming here to find a job and make money. Which ofcourse is also not a real solution).
Okay back to myself. Because, I was afraid to say that I didnot want a relation with him but that I do want him to live here as roommates. Afraid that he would run away if I don't love him.
No choice. Facing the fact that love in relation doesnot really exist, that I am not living with a boy that I 'feel love' for, as feeling is an illusion of the mind.
Roommates is just a name, the points will come to the surface anyway.
This is what I have no choice in. I have to see into all the points that I have allowed myself to be enslaved by on the mind.
In theory this is simple. In practical daily life it's 'difficult'.
Difficult.
It's the thing that I always heard as a child. You are always doing so difficult.
Strange isn't it?
All the mindstructures are inside, parents donot take responsability so the child got all the structures from the whole familyline, all the 'difficulties' that no one dare to see into. What would you expect from a child? To be 'easy' with this? The child is maken difficult by the mindstructures. The mind is making things difficult, not the child itself is difficult. This is what everyone has to stand up in. Also the child has to take responsability.
But don't put another layer on it by saying that the child is (doing) difficult.
And that's what I am experiencing in the house now. That I make things difficult.
M. is putting his mind between us, he thinks to hear what I say and for that he is not listening to what I really say. And he sais, ya ya Ingrid.
I notice he doesnot understand me. So I say something about it. And than he says, "Iiiiiingrid, Pleeeaaase". On a very hushing tone. Does he see into this? No. After this he says, I go smoking a sigaret. Every time again.
This is what really makes me angry. I have to stop this reaction.
How can I live with a person who cannot see into this? When every conversation is a battle instead of communication?
What can I not see into?
This makes to want me to go back to sleep again. This is the structure that I allowed to keep me down. It feels like gummy dreads inside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am doing difficult.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I make things difficult when I try to see into the structures that are under the surface.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am doing difficult when I don't play the game of hushing each other.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to do play the game of hushing each other.
It has something to do with the love-relation that I don't want to let go.
I want to live with the boy that I feel love for.
Does he feel love for me? I have no idea.
Writing this, I see that this doesnot really matter. The feeling of love is very egoistic. If I feel good, oh my god if I feel 'God', than it's okay. I don't really care how the other person is feeling.
This is the shit that is under the surface. I want to feel Good, I want to feel God.
A sentence completely as the mind. I as the mind want as the mind (free will) to feel which is the mind God which is the mastermind.
Does M has a chance in this? Am I listening to him when I put this mind-picture between us?
Do I see now what my part is?
I do exactly the same. I put the mind in between which gives no chance for communication as equal and one.
With this, I am making it difficult.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I can live with the man that I feel love for.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that feeling love is real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to want to feel good without 'caring' about how things are for the other person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to put the mind between M and me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to project this point on M.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become angry when M reflects this point to me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself smaller than the mind when I become angry, and for this I cannot stand up in this situation, and that's what is putting me down and makes me want to sleep.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself dependent on my own reactions so on the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fix myself with this feelings and emotions.
No not the mind of the other person is fixing me, but my own reactions as feelings and emotions on the mind of the other person is what is fixing me. The gummy dreads inside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the mind of the other person can fix me, and for that I become so angry 'at the other person', instead of seeing that I fix myself by going into this reaction as emotion, and that's why I become angry, at myself, for fixing myself with my own reaction.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fix myself with going into my own reaction.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fix myself with this feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that this emotions and feelings are real.
And what is the only thing that we actually really make worries about?
MONEY
This morning I could see how this had manifested in the familyline.
My grandmother was always making worries about a lot of things, and most of it about having enough money. She has lived in war with very little food.
After this, as long as I knew her, there was always enough money. More than enough. But untill she died, she didnot want for example to take a taxi for one time because she didnot know if there was enough money to do this.
I knew this patron of making worries was going on inside me, I could see it in myself. For example, I don't take a taxi for one time, also not if I have the money and must walk and hitchhike to come home.
(So you see, I prefer a 'free' taxi. Keeping the money in my pocket :-) ).
It seems a waist to me (which it is many times, but that's another point).
My mother was 'caring for' me, so actually 'caring' or worrying for herself, and my whole life I have been angry about the stifling effect that I have allowed this to have on me.
I can finally see how the worries/stifling caring of my mother are a direct consequence of the worries about having enough money. Because, what is the substitute for making worries about money?
LOVE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We have to create many relationships to make sure there is always someone who 'takes care' of us.
We must 'love' the other person to make sure that we have something to eat and a place to stay.
And within this, love can be and will be used for manipulation.
If you don't love me, I don't love you, and than you have to go away and I donot give you food/money anymore. It's your 'choice'. Your 'free choice'. uhu.
You will deny this, you will say, no, I really love you.
But we are all equal and one in this, we all have this moneysystem in our genes, and we all are still enslaved by the mind, untill we free ourselves from this. Free ourselves from the enslavement to the mind on the base of an equal moneysystem.
So the love that you are so sure about is not pure. Because there is fear for not having enough money/food if you donot love another or if the other person donot love you anymore.
Seeing into this stops being angry about it. I can forgive myself and my mother for allowing and accepting this.
"Caring only happens when there is no scare or scar" -Bernard-
http://www.equalmoneysystem.org/
I see the same thing happening in my own situation.
M. tells me from the beginning I love you I love you I love you.
And I am saying stop this, it's not real, I don't love you.
(Polarity).
I donot want a relationship with him as the situation is now, but living as roommates is actually going very well from the beginning.
I lived alone in a house where you can live in with a 4-5 person-family. On the other site of the street they live with 10 people in it (which is actually too much). He has no home here. Than what must I say, okay you have to go now because I don't love you? It's your choice?
I asked him the question very clearly, I said, I donot want a relationship. Do you still want to live here?
Immediately he said yes. And this is what I actually was seeing from the beginning but what was fuzzled: he doesnot want me, he wants a place to stay.
Does he really have a choice in this? Do I really have a choice in this without creating a lot of consequences by sending a person away because I don't love him?
How can we ever become equal when I have the possability to kick him out of the house everytime?
This is what the polish people here in Holland all are manipulated with: if they don't 'behave', which means if they don't behave like a slave, they are kicked out of job but also out of the house. And without job and house they have to go back to Polen. (How the situation there is I have no insight in but I know that they many are coming here to find a job and make money. Which ofcourse is also not a real solution).
Okay back to myself. Because, I was afraid to say that I didnot want a relation with him but that I do want him to live here as roommates. Afraid that he would run away if I don't love him.
No choice. Facing the fact that love in relation doesnot really exist, that I am not living with a boy that I 'feel love' for, as feeling is an illusion of the mind.
Roommates is just a name, the points will come to the surface anyway.
This is what I have no choice in. I have to see into all the points that I have allowed myself to be enslaved by on the mind.
In theory this is simple. In practical daily life it's 'difficult'.
Difficult.
It's the thing that I always heard as a child. You are always doing so difficult.
Strange isn't it?
All the mindstructures are inside, parents donot take responsability so the child got all the structures from the whole familyline, all the 'difficulties' that no one dare to see into. What would you expect from a child? To be 'easy' with this? The child is maken difficult by the mindstructures. The mind is making things difficult, not the child itself is difficult. This is what everyone has to stand up in. Also the child has to take responsability.
But don't put another layer on it by saying that the child is (doing) difficult.
And that's what I am experiencing in the house now. That I make things difficult.
M. is putting his mind between us, he thinks to hear what I say and for that he is not listening to what I really say. And he sais, ya ya Ingrid.
I notice he doesnot understand me. So I say something about it. And than he says, "Iiiiiingrid, Pleeeaaase". On a very hushing tone. Does he see into this? No. After this he says, I go smoking a sigaret. Every time again.
This is what really makes me angry. I have to stop this reaction.
How can I live with a person who cannot see into this? When every conversation is a battle instead of communication?
What can I not see into?
This makes to want me to go back to sleep again. This is the structure that I allowed to keep me down. It feels like gummy dreads inside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am doing difficult.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I make things difficult when I try to see into the structures that are under the surface.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am doing difficult when I don't play the game of hushing each other.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to do play the game of hushing each other.
It has something to do with the love-relation that I don't want to let go.
I want to live with the boy that I feel love for.
Does he feel love for me? I have no idea.
Writing this, I see that this doesnot really matter. The feeling of love is very egoistic. If I feel good, oh my god if I feel 'God', than it's okay. I don't really care how the other person is feeling.
This is the shit that is under the surface. I want to feel Good, I want to feel God.
A sentence completely as the mind. I as the mind want as the mind (free will) to feel which is the mind God which is the mastermind.
Does M has a chance in this? Am I listening to him when I put this mind-picture between us?
Do I see now what my part is?
I do exactly the same. I put the mind in between which gives no chance for communication as equal and one.
With this, I am making it difficult.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I can live with the man that I feel love for.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that feeling love is real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to want to feel good without 'caring' about how things are for the other person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to put the mind between M and me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to project this point on M.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become angry when M reflects this point to me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself smaller than the mind when I become angry, and for this I cannot stand up in this situation, and that's what is putting me down and makes me want to sleep.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself dependent on my own reactions so on the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fix myself with this feelings and emotions.
No not the mind of the other person is fixing me, but my own reactions as feelings and emotions on the mind of the other person is what is fixing me. The gummy dreads inside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the mind of the other person can fix me, and for that I become so angry 'at the other person', instead of seeing that I fix myself by going into this reaction as emotion, and that's why I become angry, at myself, for fixing myself with my own reaction.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fix myself with going into my own reaction.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fix myself with this feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that this emotions and feelings are real.
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