donderdag 3 november 2011

Shaken Alive

What is happening.
People I speak about the process that I started within myself within Desteni.
Everyone sees the points of unequality, that this is related to money, that all the 'thinking' is driving crazy, that media is manipulating. And we all have created a way of living to 'deal' with this.
One has removed internet and television out of the house.
The other works in summer and goes to Indonesia in winter.
It has all something to do with isolating.
I isolated myself more or less in a small village in the grasslands.

When I start to speak about the mind and especially thoughts that are not real, and about the own responsability of the person, suddenly there is a change.

Today, the man first was saying that we 'filosofied' nice together about inequality. He wanted to hear what I was doing. When I started to speak about the mindsystem, he suddenly walked away.
 Because of a similar situation yesterday, I saw it was enough for the moment, for me and for him.

Yesterday in the start of the conversation, a man coming to the store I work said, well you look very well, very fit; how are you?
I told him that I had some frustrations about the inequality inside and outside. That I started to see into this.
He did see all the same points. He 'arranged' everything with the thinking, with the mind and he said there was no way to change the inequality and no way to live without the thinking.
Speaking about the mind, the thoughts that are not real, he suddenly became very angry, started to 'warn' me. That desteni is a sect, that I am 'being busy wrong', that I will be grazy within 5 years, that I have to go to a shrink. (Actually I cannot see the exact moment where he suddenly changed).

In this moment I forgot to breath, I even forgot that I have an option to breath.
I could only say that the words he speak are about himself, not about me. And repeat this several times.
I notice that this is really a huge point which is difficult to see. Because when you see this, you start seeing yourself in the words you speak. And than there is no way back, no way to 'judge' another person and no way to hide anymore.

Why is this reflecting in the world around me?
Is it reflecting old patrons?
My mother never wanted to see inside herself, and for that, she never wanted to really see me.
My father was a scientist, he always worked with his brain and liked this, untill he got a little stroke and he lost some function of this.
(No bad words about my parents, just to see into the patrons).

Are this the two points that I see reflecting around me at the moment?

I very rarely spoke about these points with the family. But I also didnot want to lie. So I did not speak much in the familyhouse, I started to hide.
It was like I always saw a little more than most people around me so I was always afraid to speak about these things. Or is everybody seeing inside but not speaking about all these things so everybody feels the same about this? Or are there different 'programs' where one person lies more than another person which makes it more difficult to see inside yourself, which brings another frustration between people for creating more energy?

Another thing I really become aware of is that I am scared all the time, every minute that I am awake (as not sleeping in bed). Scared because I cannot hide anymore. Hiding from speaking up.
But when I become one with this feeling of being scared, I become a little more intimite with myself.

I am writing very vague words at the moment. I cannot find the words.
And this is also a mindstructure. My mother told me several times that she found that I was 'vague'.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am vague, instead of seeing that my mother was talking about herself, not able to understand herself what makes everything vague.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not believe that people around me will ever start to see inside themselves.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am all alone in this process, alone as the only one.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am 'the only one' in this process, which is very arrogant; with this I make myself bigger than other people around me, and I isolate myself.

Writing this, I see that isolating is arrogant. It is coming forward out of the thinking that I am better of alone as on my own, that 'I am doing better without the others'.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself bigger than other people by the thinking that I am better of alone as on my own.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be afraid of speaking about the unequality I felt inside and outside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see that all the mess inside and outside was because of unequality and for that I could not speak about it.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not speak about this unequality, because when I should speak about this I would 'make' myself equal as my mother and I didnot want this because I didnot understand what was going on.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not want to be equal as my mother.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see that I am already equal as my mother, and that I cannot make or unmake this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to run away my whole life out of fear that I have to be 'one' with my mother, instead of seeing that I can be one as myself, which makes us equal.

Yestarday I reacted, my body started to shake.
But I didnot die!
I became more alive, and the man I spoke with became more alive.
He came back some time later, with another excuse, that I cannot speak about these things when I am working, that I am just a store-assistent. That this is something to speak about in a cafe, but not here.
Which is reflecting another point inside me that I am having doubts about, working in a healthstore which is also commercial ofcourse, so how much can I say without loosing my job?!
But ok, I saw he came back less angry, and now he said that he was curious how I will be the next time he sees me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared that I will loose my job when I speak about the process within myself.
No, I am lying.
People donot react on the process inside myself, they react on desteni.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared that I will loose my job when I speak about myself started the process within myself within desteni.

So what is this?
I can do the process within myself, but I cannot do this within a group who is standing in and for equality and oneness in the whole world.

This has something to do with the words Jesus said:

"There where two people or more are assembled in My name, there I am in their midst"

"Daar waar twee mensen of meer in Mijn naam vergaderd zijn, daar ben ik in hun midden"

Jesus ofcourse read as Self as Life as Breath.
Are we not really alive when we are alone?
No we are not really alive when we are seperated, means living in/as the mind.
The isolating of the mind is weaken us. We made this our protection and we made ourselves believe that this makes us strong. But the opposite is manifesting.
We need to share ourselves as Life to really manifest (ourselves as) Life.
By being a Living Example, speaking Living Words.

That's why the man yesterday became so angry; I was shaking his reasons for isolating himself.
And this is why people are strongly reacting on desteni world wide.
'We' sharing ourselves within desteni are shaking their reasons for isolating/seperating/hiding themselves.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the reasons I isolated myself for were real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I needed to isolate myself for such a long time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not be carefull with shaking his/my reasons for isolating.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I am not carefull with shaking the reasons for isolating when somebody become angry.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to ask myself if I did go 'too far' when somebody is strongly reacting when the reasons for isolating are getting shaked.

The shaking of my body, the reasons for isolating were getting shaked.

Shaken Alive.

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