MISery

Physical complaints are coming forward out of two things:
No (healthy) food and water, no place to stay, no hygiene outside
Missing ourselves through living in the mind (= no hygiene inside).

These are the two principles which we are standing in and as desteni:
To introduce an equal money system
To become one and equal as Self as (All) Life walking desteni-I-process.

In my life I've been 'a lucky one' to always have healthy food, a place to stay, and also free choice in and moneysupport for education.

And still I was exhausted when I was 35.
So it must be the other principle that was missing:

Missing myself.
And for this, I created a lot of MISery inside.

This missing of the self is creating pain in the body, we become equal and one as the mindstructures inside.
The mind is always searching for attention, for a relation to fill the empty place.

One year ago I had a dream.
I was in the middle of a relation-process.
A friend of me told me in the dream: you are still seeing yourself as a half.
Waking up I knew this was an important line, but I didnot really see into it.
Now I can see, I was living as the mind, seeing myself as a half, searching for the other half to fill the empty place/space. And as long I am living in/as the mind, I am experiencing this.

For this, we always keep searching for attention, which is living outside ourselves.
This is giving complaints of exhaustion inside.
When a complaint has manifested in the body, the complaint itself is used to get attention.
Actually this complaint, being busy with this complaints, is filling the empty space in the mind.
Via the complaint the mind is getting attention from outside or from the own mind inside. Which actually is an affirmation of the mind. And by this the mind is getting bigger. And than it needs more attention to manifest itself. Creating another complaint or worse. Used to get more attention; etc.

MISery.

By affirming the complaints which is affirming the mind, the misery is becoming bigger and bigger, so the mind is becoming bigger and bigger. Which is bringing forward that you miss yourself more and more, being away in the mind.

This is applyable for every behaviour, build up from reactions, which is unacceptable. This behaviour has to be stopped, otherwise it becomes bigger and bigger. It may create complaints. Which is actually a lot of information of the mind which is stored in the body - suppressed reactions and (self)-judgements, stored in the body - to not see what is under this:

Missing yourself.

And the complaints of itself are advancing unacceptable behaviour and reactions, and by this the circle is round.
So, let's stop all the unacceptable behaviours and patrons, all the reactions in and as the mind.
One by one, breath by breath.
To stop is the only way to give yourself the possability to see into the patrons.


A very cool sentence that I didnot realise is that in one breath there is no space for a thought.
So if you live breath by breath by breath, there is no space for a thought and it's possible to walk through.

 http://youtu.be/sZxGGHMAVbc
Video about depression in dutch where this principle and this sentence is seeing in.


I start within myself.
My unacceptable behaviour in the morning I stop, I did stop already.
I created a bubble around me which keeps everyone at distance.
Because I cannot handle my own reactions on another person being around.
And coming forward of these inner reactions I created a spasmolitic large intestine.
In morning this is giving the most dyscomfort.
Can I have an easely stool today or not?
This is defining my whole day.
And it is really not easy to live the whole day in pain and with a heavy belly, being too tired because this inner structure is suppressing all life.
But this is no reason to have unacceptable behaviour in the morning.
This is no reason to involve other people in my inner mindstructures.

I cannot see exactly how I created this patron inside.
I created an automatically reaction when somebody comes near in the morning. It are different reactions creating one automatically reaction inside.
When somebody says something and is not seeing inside him/herself, I automatically go in resistance within myself, which is the cramping inside.
I used to pick up everything that other people are pulling outside themselves.
I was affraid to speak up in the moment and actually I had no words to speak up.
So I collected it, and I stored it. I stored it automatically in the body, in the intestine.
Which is actually keeping the 'power' inside myself, by not speaking about what I saw that was going on.
With doing this, I didnot stand equal and one as the other person.

Still I am strongly reacting when I notice somebody is not seeing inside him/herself.
And in reverse I was doing the same!
With creating this bubble of resistance around me, which is not seeing inside myself, placing my reactions outside myself.
It feels so awfull that I didnot see into it yet in the moment; I react to try to keep it outside myself.
But with this reacting I keep myself dependent on this patron because I cannot see into it.
So I stop being busy with another layer as the unacceptable behaviour in the morning, which is hiding what is hidden under this behaviour.

I like to be quiet in the morning.
I cannot handle it when someone else is trying to get my attention.
Which I experience of going into the mind when somebody wants attention.
Is this real?
Isn't this turned around?
When I write this I ask myself if I am just not already in the mind and I don't want someone to get me out of my own mindstruggle. I need time in the morning means actually I need time to struggle in my 'own' mind.
?????
That's something.
Because, I can also have the same complaints when I am alone.
Is it related to people being around?
Or is it created by my reaction in contact with one person, and for this I made a connection to 'being with other people' and creating complaints.
It's a misleading of the mind to keep myself in isolation.

It's really amazing how long I have been busy with this one point, creating layer after layer on it which is making it big, huge.

The mind is eating the time away with doing nothing practical. And before we know we die.
' Time flies '. No we fly, in the mind.

Another point I see now is that I donot know how to communicate without being in the mind.
And for this, I go into my mind everytime I am with another person.
Being in the mind created as a protection against eventually attacks from the mind of other people.
But this being in the mind is 'working against' me. It is not protecting me, it is fixing itself, me as the mind.

Rose, the quinea pig, she told me already, the only place where you are save is within yourself.
Which ofcourse is as self and not as the mind, because a quinea pig doesnot have a mind.
She is not easely disturbed, which is very funny and also sometimes frustrated to see. Because it seems that nothing is bothering her! Which is true infact. The frustrating point is that I also want to be safe inside myself but I am not because I am not living as self yet.
She grew up in a safe environment.
Did she?
No actually not, she lives in the same world as I do and she is a little quinea pig, so safe is not really the word.
So she is aware of life as self anyway, if the world around her is safe or not.
She had a mom who was not asking her to be her fulfilment, so she had a Living Example equal and one as Life.
(Her mom also lived with me before).

What kind of (illusion of) protection is the White Light giving?
De mantel der liefde?
The veil of love?

Growing up in the illusion of a curse, there is no veil of love.
(And of course no awareness of Real Life).
There is only one place left: the mind.
But the mind is actually not safe at all. In the mind there is always polarity, the mind is one and equal as polarity. So how can this be safe? The positive gives always the negative in return. The mind attacks itself. Not safe at all.
Ofcourse there was a searching for this veil of love. In and as the mind. Which makes the feeling of emptyness inside only bigger and bigger; searching outside is searching in the mind is leaving self, leaving Life.
The veil of love is also not safe. If you donot play the rules of this love, you are kicked out, banned.
So this veil of love is a veil of manipulation. Not safe at all.

So inside or outside the White Light, it's never safe.
We all grew up in a very unsafe environment.

It feels like I am talking over and over about this subject.
Probably these are the 1000 times and more that I turned around in this structure in my head. Too much information for one blog.

I breath.
I write untill I see the unacceptable behaviour and mindstructures that created this.
I stop all the unacceptable behaviour coming forward out of the searching for attention to fill the empty place in the mind.
I forgive the unacceptable behaviour to become one and equal as it, so I can stand up in it.
I speak out loudly the self-forgivenesses.
One breath by one breath.

In The Netherlands many people have enough money for food and a roof above their head, but they are not happy and not healthy.
Than it must be coming forward of the missing of Self.
Completely stuck in the (mind)system, in and outside, which again is the same as the moneysystem.
So money or not, we are all slaves of it.
And we all grew up in a very unsafe environment, even if we didnot experience this indeed, without a Living Example eaqual and one as Life.
And if one grew up in the 'safety' of the White Light?
Than this is not safe anymore, because the White Light doesnot exist anymore.

Free yourself and become a Living Example.
http://www.desteniiprocess.com/
http://www.equalmoney.org/