maandag 24 oktober 2011

self-forgiveness-caring

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not be carefull.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what it is to be carefull.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what Life is.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not know what it is to be carefull as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be so scared and scarred that I cannot be carefull as myself as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to blame myself for being not carefull, instead of seeing that this is the consequence of the stifling effect of the reactions on the care-taking of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to take this care-taking of the mind personally, instead of seeing that this is just the nature of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to stop breathing as a result of the self-blame, instead of seeing that I put myself on hold with doing this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to stop caring for myself by stopping breathing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to always search for a way to feel good, instead of seeing that with this I am not Here but in the mind, so with this I am not caring Life at All.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to defend myself with taking things personally and reacting personally, which is not caring for me and not caring for the other as Life at All.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become careless, indifferent, by getting stifled through my own reactions on the care-taking of another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hide this being indifferent.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be ashamed about being indifferent.

Indifferent. In the difference.
It is clear that indifference is not equal and one. It's the opposite of equal and one, which is created as reaction at the care-taking of the mind (see the blog 'I don't care').

I see how I create the tense in the large intestine. With my own reaction inside. It's really too much tensed already, so each reaction is one too much.
I stop immediately. I finally see how I created this tense inside by myself and I finally see what effect each reaction has inside.
That's why I isolated myself more and more. I could not have more reactions of myself on other people, I already had enough reactions inside from me on myself.

Reacting on anything is really not caring.
Not for the other and not for myself. It's not caring Life, it's killing, stifling Life.
(And this is what the cat was speaking about, in the blog 'a cat speaking').

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create tense inside with emotional reactions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not be caring for myself and for others by going into reactions again and again.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel panic inside when this tense is coming up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that this panic is real.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on a person when the person said something 'wrong'.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on myself when I said something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that I have the right to react on anything at all, instead of seeing that 'having the right' is of the mind and coming out of the judgementsystem.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to create a judgementsystem inside.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to become an automatically judgementsystem.

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