I am scared of my own mind.
Of course! I allowed myself to be directed by the mind completely. I allowed to be a slave of the mind.
With allowing this I made myself smaller than the mind. And for this I had to create the illusion of being bigger than the mind, to overcome this. Polarity is created.
We all created this and projected this, which made us scared to other people, 'mensenschuw'.
It's not mensenschuw, it's mindschuw; it's not afraid of people, it's afraid of the mind.
Schuw, afraid of our own mind. Schuwen, afschuw.
I thought I was scared of my mother. Which is not true. I am scared for the spite of her mind.
Which is not true. I was scared for the spite of my own mind, which was starting when I allowed her to spite me, when I believed that this is possible, that she could spite me, and I allowed myself to believe this and to do nothing. And for this I start spiting myself, for 'doing nothing', for believing that the spite of another person could influence me and for allowing that it influenced me by believing this.
There it is, doing nothing as allowing which irritated me.
Because everyone is scared for the mind, projecting this so is scared for eachother, for the attack of the mind of each other. And for this we start defending ourselves. But this is not really defending ourselves, it's defending our mind. And the mind is still attacking ourselves inside ourselves, so we are still not 'protected'.
Defending is not practical, defending belongs to the mind.
And this is reflecting in the outside world, defending and attacking:
We are in war inside which is reflecting outside, and we repeat this by defending and attacking each other, actually we defend this reflection of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared for my own mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to allow and create war outside by allowing and creating war inside myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself smaller than the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to make myself enslaved to the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to projected the fear for my own mind into fear for other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that my mother could spite me, instead of seeing that I spited myself after allowing the believing that another person could spite me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to do nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be irritated by other people who were doing nothing, instead of seeing how I was irritated by myself doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be irritated by myself doing nothing, instead of seeing that I created irritatíon, ergenis, because I allowed myself to believe that it was 'erg' that I was doing nothing and with this I created another judgement.
We are afraid of our own mind, but we don't want to see into this. So we project. But everytime we see something in someone else that we feel that we are afraid of, we push this away immediately, we don't want to see into this. For this, we push away the fear, the schuw. We push far away the schuw, the schuw we push 'ver af'. And ver-af-schuwen is created. Another layer to not feel the schuw, the fear. And with this we can push everything away that we don't like, that we (ver-af-)schuwen, that we dislike, abhor. We have a 'reason' now, we verafschuwen het, we abhor it.
We zijn ver af van het schuwen. Dat wat we schuwen duwen we ver af.
(We are far away from fear, that what we fear we push far away. The dutch word is speaking).
Everything that scares us we push away, we make boarders, boxes. In our mind, in our world.
Everything we ver-af-schuwen is put into boxes. We isolate it, we push it aside, apart, which gives apartheid.
And this is what the world is reflecting.
Everything that we verafschuwen is pushed away, and we defend and defend because we don't want the boxes to be open, we donot want to see what is inside the boxes. We don't want to see what we fear, abhor, allow, isolate, which is (all in) our own mind. We are fighting against ourselves, inside there is the inner-terrorist.
And because we are already defending for so long it's more and more difficult to stop, because the af-schuw had became bigger and bigger, which also makes the af-schuw bigger and bigger because we verafschuwen that we verafschuwen for such a long time.
If I feel afschuw, If I ver-af-schuw/abhor something, I stop this emotion and I breath through, untill I see what I scare, wat ik schuw.
I stop. I Breath. I see into the mind by writing so I can see what I fear, schuw. I apply self-forgiveness. I apply self-correction.
Stop the war inside, stop the inner-terrorist, stop apartheid, see into the boxes:
Stop the reason for war: