zondag 25 december 2011

relationship with the mind

I relate myself to the person I live together with, and in the slip of the finger I wrote 'to the person I love with'.
If that person thinks for example that all people in africa are laying and having sex and donot work so that it's there own 'fault' that they donot have food, than I immediately 'think': how can I live with a person who believe this is true?

Means, I connect myself to that person, and because I connect myself I cannot be equal to the person. Because I already connected myself in the mind to the person, which is not equal and one as self, so not equal to the other person.
With this relating I actually relate myself to the mind, so I keep a relationship with the mind, reflected in the relationship with the other person.

This is created by my believe that I am one with the person I live with, a copple, instead of one with/as myself, living next to the other person in equality.
I believe that I cannot live without connecting myself to the other person, so without connecting myself to the mind. If the other person is believing this kind of shit, I can no longer connect with that person as the mind, I cannot accept that. But I cannot force the other person to force this believe. So the only solution is that I disconnect myself from that person, to disconnect myself from the mind. Panic!
For that, I have to become one and equal as my reactions that I have on this believing of the other person, instead of becoming one and equal as the other person. Becoming one and equal as the reactions of my mind is the only way to stand up in it.
Why is this experience so disgusting?
This must be something of myself that I labled as so very disgusting. I react over and over again to not feel this disgust, to not have to become one and equal as my own disgust, which is very close to discuss. I want to discuss all the time to not experience my own disgust.
Is that why everyone is discussing so much?
Discussing, wanting to be right, female ego, restrain in the large intestine.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to discuss over and over again the same subject, to not experience my own disgust that I experience inside myself when I see an unequal behaviour or thought in the other person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not see why I react with so much disgust on the thoughts of another person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the thoughts of another person say something about me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that the thoughts of the person I live with say something about me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself to the thoughts in general and with this defining I make myself believing that thoughts are true (?), real, so that the thoughts of the other person say something about me or about that person himself, instead of seeing that it's a program that the person grew up in, and I have a program that reacts on this, exactly as the situation that I grew up in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that because I grew up with the family I have been born in, the thoughts of that family say something about me, instead of seeing that this is the program that I grew up in, and so this is the program that exists in me which expresses as my reactions on the thoughts of other person.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define myself to the program that I grew up in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the emotion of disappointment that the person I live with has such unequal thoughts, instead of seeing that we all have (had) that kind of thoughts, included myself; that's what we are blinded in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react on the thoughts of another person out of fear; out of fear that I cannot stand up in this alone, undependent of the thoughts of another person whoever the other person is, undependent of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react out of fear that I cannot stand up in this suppression of my own mind.
Somewhere I believe that I am responsable for the believing in the thoughts of another person.
But I am not responsable for the other persons believing in the specific thoughts, I am responsable of my own reactions, which stimulates the unequality in the world, and in that way I am responsable for the situation in africa that the other person is speaking about, and this is what I experience the emotion of quilt of.
So with believing that I am 'quilty' of the thoughts of another person, I keep on discussing and reacting and trying to change the thoughts of the other person, which generate the energy that worsen the unequality in the world. Which I restore as an emotion of quilt. The emotion of quilt because I am only busy with generating energy out of my personal situation, instead of being able to share myself in the world.
Why? because I am so scared of this, but I cannot even see this fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to keep myself in the circle of quilt feeling, and with this quilt feeling I generate the unequality in the world, which strengtenth my quilt feeling, and so round.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the emotion of quilt about being busy with my own personal situation.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the emotion of quilt about being busy with my own personal situation, because I am already busy with this for such a long time without really changing, while I see for such a long time that I have been born in a privileged situation with opportunities and money to get all the information I need to stand up in/as myself, being able to support others in this process.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the emotion of quilt that I am not yet able to support others in their process.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the emotion of fear to support others in their process.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define it as being busy, which relates to a business so to money so to fear, instead of define myself in process, also when I am 'busy' with personal structures.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the emotion of disappointment in myself that I start reacting over and over again to the person I live with.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the emotion of disappointment in myself that I am so scared to stand up as myself that I create a lot of resistance and reactions inside and outside me, which delay the process of standing up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to experience the emotion of quilt of delaying my process.

Even my computer is reflecting this inner process:
not being able to download the godzilla program to join the leadershipforum, not being able to share blogs directly from blogger.com, struggling with starting, but most of all: delay.
My computer delays more and more. Slowing down.
Okay, slowing down I can see.
I have to slow down. I am running in and as the mind. I labled delay as negative, which creates a lot of rumour inside and outside.
The person I live with also sais, slow down.

I have to slow down.

I stop; I breath, I am Here.
I slow down, so I can stop myself as the mind pushing and pulling me into reactions and emotions.

When we believe that we are only the mind, every conversation is unequal, there is always a searching for an agreement in thoughts, feelings and emotions instead of being in agreement with/as self. Discussing, which gives the experience of disgust, excisted out of unequality. The unequality in the conversation triggers my experience of being aggrieved, unequaled, verongelijkt.
I donot have to agree with other ones thoughts, feelings and emotions, and I donot have to search in my own mind if I can find somewhere a likely thought, feeling or emotion. I can become one as/equal to my own reactions. The only really unequaling/verongelijking is excisted out of making myself unequal to my own reactions, believing that I cannot stop this, so also believing that I am/will always be dependent on my thoughts, feelings and emotions. As long as I run away from the mind, I am running away from seeing into myself, which keeps me enslaved to the mind.

He is using my unwillingness to stay into the house together as a reason for not seeing into himself; I am using his unwillingness to see into himself as a reason to not stay in the house together (which also is a form of unwillingness to see into myself).
This generates a lot of conflict, eternal waiting for the other person to take the first step.
But it's not about the house, it's about stopping myself in reacting as thoughts, feelings and emotions. The house is just another excuse to enlarge the pressure, which is suppressing myself.

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