to dread having to do it

Tomorrow they start to renovate and paint the house outside.
I dreaded to this. For 2-3 days this was like a little black clowd in the backhead.
Suddenly this morning I just accepted this new situation for what it is, and this dreading went away immediately. I stand up in it. It has to be done, so I do it. That's it.
Not making excuses in the mind, not thinking how it would be if things were different, not making worries about what could happen. Nothing.

To become equal and one as the situation. Not make the situation more or less than myself by creating all kind of polarity, because than I cannot stand up in the situation. The situation is pulling me down than because it seems 'bigger' than me.

I forgive myself that I allowed and accepeted myself to first hold myself back from every new situation.
I forgive myself that I allowed and accepeted myself to first create resistance to every new situation, instead of being equal and one as every new situation so I can stand up in it.
I forgive myself that I allowed and accepeted myself to experience fear for every new situation, instead of breathing through the fear, seeing that this is an illusion of the mind because the mind wants to keep everything as it is, fearing for lost (of itself as the mind).
I forgive myself that I allowed and accepeted myself to create judgements on almost everything that has to be done, not seeing that with this I make the situation bigger than myself.

Cleaning and preparing everything outside for the workers tomorrow, not once the resistance was coming up again, which is cool. Instead of being busy with this happening from tomorrow all day I could live today as today. Also the preparing was going very easily.