These are the blogs written the first 4 months starting with the desteni-i-process that are related to the relationship/agreement I am involved in. It’s a not really a relationship and also not really an agreement. Walking alone together is a more suitable description. Walking through the relationship-points to stand alone together.
From the beginning I experienced resistance against the man I am living with and this resistance was going on for 10 months. Being together in the physical was ok, the touch was ok, practical living in the house was ok, so it was clear that the mind was standing between us.
Last weekend I finally saw what was bothering me:
When we met 10 months ago I allowed a thought to exist within me: ’I don’t want to be with him’. This thought was giving resistance every 3 days in the end. I attacked myself (and him!) with this thought, I sabotaged the situation with the thought and I could not stop it until I could see clearly what was going on. This sabotage had consequences, as I was 'breaking up' several times. This breaking up could not go on and on; there would be a moment that he would really go away and not come back, with all the consequences for him, for me, for Life.
As soon as I saw the thought exist, I saw that it was not ‘true’ anymore, he and I really changed, and the thought disappeared. And…the resistance is gone!
After this I finally could see clearly and practical into the situation and make a decision as what is best for all in agreement with myself.
We are able to start walking alone together, living in the house. It is really a relief to be here with him without the experience of resistance against him being here, or actually without the experience of resistance against myself being here with him.
How did I use the tools of desteni to walk through this period of resistance?
- Translate some basic-principles of oneness and equality into polish for him, which supports me to speak and live them myself and to see where I do not speak and live them myself.
- Live ‘my life’, with or without resistance against him/myself being with him, because I can stand on my own feet within the start of DIP-course.
- See myself in the words I speak to him and apply self-forgiveness for projecting on him
- Direct myself instead of control the other
- Write lists and lists of s.f. to see what was turning around in myself, without expecting an outcome of the situation; every outcome was ok.
- See into the pattern that I grew up in and that influenced all relations in my whole life through writing blogs
- Be able to stay in a situation that ‘feels’ horrible through writing blogs
- Be able to see behind my mind-preference in the choice of a partner
- See that the resistance is about me and not about the other person which needs self-correction
- Deconstruct a thought that I programmed myself with related to this preference and rewrite a walkable script (corrective statements) within lesson 3 and lesson 4 of DIP
- Ask for support to the buddy and mother-buddy if I really do not see it anymore myself and work with the practical advise they give me to work with
- Finally having an living example expressed in words of what 2 people are ‘doing’ together in an agreement without living in self-interest, which takes away ‘feelings of quilt’ about having a relationship/agreement
- Making lists of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ and see if I can change the dislikes through applying s.f. and letting go or if things can change by discussing and changing the pattern together
- See what I would like to express in an agreement
- See that an agreement is about enjoying the physical presence of the other person and not about punishment, and within this I finally see that the starting-points of standing alone together are in general very ‘simple’
- Make new starting-points that are self-honest
- Agree with keeping things simple as Life is not complicated, the mind is complicated and always wants more
- See into my backchat to see where my resistance is coming from through daily writing/backchat diary
- Stop reacting on the man and finally see how to take full responsibility for my own reactions
- Stop having sex for 6 months to see what patterns are under the surface and having the courage to do this
- Start practising sex as sex within breathing and within this keeping it very simple without expectations and judgements
- See the equality and inequality between man and women within myself
- See the possibility to walk desteni-i-process with a man who is not walking the DIP-course but who is willing to change himself
- See what one thought can do and how I attack and defend myself with/against this thought I allowed to exist in myself in the past
- See and forgive myself living in self-interest and change this into living in what’s best for all including myself in agreement with myself
- Give the man a chance
I have seen in myself an example what one thought can do, and the possibility to deconstruct this thought. The difficult part is to see the moment where the thought is created under all the layers of judgements and associations. In this case it was 10 months ago that I allowed the thought to manifest inside myself, with a lot of consequences. Can you imagine what the consequences are if the thought is allowed to exist inside ourselves 30 years ago?
I have seen in myself that living in self-interest is not best for all including me, so also not best for myself as self. With living in self-interest I tackle others including myself, that’s why I was not able to stand up, no matter how hard I tried.
I was struggling to see what is self-interest and what is best for all, because self-interest seems as best for all sometimes and at the same time is living in resistance in a situation that is best for all not best for all anymore if it starts being abusive.
The resistance coming forward out of self-interest has to be seen into and forgiven, otherwise I disagree with myself and within this I am not able to live as what is best for all because the I as the resistance will sabotage this.
With walking through this resistance this I established a base from which I can move on in living as what is best for all.
The situation as what is best for all has become a situation that I want to live in.
I did not need to change the situation, I had to change myself and he had to change himself.
And we have to keep on changing ourselves inside to be able to walk together.
This is what I am questioning myself: Am I able to change myself? Am I able to make myself equal to the situation and change myself as the situation? Am I able to direct myself without being dependent on the other person? Am I able to be a living example for the other person in what it is to live in equality? Am I able to live in/as equality with the other person and see him as a living example for me?
Let’s move on walking alone together practically in what's best for all, which we all are doing here.
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